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17 October 2018
Do you know those people who just seem to bring bad vibes about them wherever they go? If they were in a movie – they would definitely be portrayed as the villain, albeit one of those extremely hot villains with an insanely good wardrobe (dammit). The air around them virtually reeks of negativity (and the Juliette Has A Gun ‘Lady Vengeance’ fragrance) and you’ve definitely spotted members of her “girl gang” Googling articles on the best way to detoxify a friendship. Don’t have a clue what I’m talking about? Could it be perhaps because you’re one of them and a bad person?
#1 You’ve heard people muttering behind your back that you’re a “basic b*tch” – and you secretly high fived yourself.
#2 You are the queen of sarcasm – in fact, you find it difficult to have a conversation without including some element of sarcasm.
#3 People know to avoid you if you’re having one of your “moods” (you know the ones where you glare at anyone who tries to approach you).
#4 You don’t feel guilt or remorse.
#5 You are racist, sexist, ageist, fashion-ist… if you can add an ist to it – chances are you’re it.
#6 You love that Posh Spice doesn’t smile – and try to emulate her at all times.
#7 You don’t forgive. Nor do you forget.
#8 You are the master of manipulation… and you love this quality about yourself.
#10 You scoff at any “nice characters” on reality television shows, or on normal television, or in movies.
#11 You can’t help but smile when someone is telling you something horrible that has happened to them.
#12 If someone tells you a secret, you can’t wait for them to leave your presence so you can tell everyone about it.
#13 You’ve been known to tie up your little brother and push him over – and then laugh while you watch him try to get up (I actually know someone who does this for real… and she’s normally a really nice person!).
#14 You basically choose your friends on how you can use them to be of benefit to you.
#15 You are the first point of call if one of your friends is looking for vengeance advice – you always come up with the best plans.
#16 You enjoy watching other people in pain or squirming out of awkward situations.
#17 You know how to cut someone down in 3 seconds flat.
#19 You see no harm in telling a white lie… or any lie, for that matter.
#20 You like to have a posse around you at all times – and you have to be the leader.
#21 You’ve totally nailed the ability to use humour to insult people… and get away with it every time.
#22 You refuse to admit you’re responsible for anything that’s gone wrong – it’s 100% definitely always someone else’s fault.
#23 You love leaving rubbish and wrappers around the place and watching other people have to pick up after you – the grosser the rubbish, the better (and you love a head shake, they’re the best).
So there you have it. If you ticked one or more of these, you may need to ask yourself, are you just a bad person? And if so, please, for humanity, do something about it.
26 March 2020
24 March 2020