I blame Meg Ryan. That actress and her fake orgasm really gave women an unrealistic idea of what it means to climax. And as it turns out, the stats show that a heap of women have either never had an orgasm or struggle to reach orgasm regularly. So let’s leave our When Harry Met Sally diner moment, Fifty Shades comes-every-time-they-do-it mentality and break this shit down.

Some Women Might Not Even Know If They’ve Had One

Sexologist Isiah Kimmie tells me that 30% of women struggle to reach orgasm on a regular basis, 10% of sexually active women have NEVER had one and there are even some women who MIGHT NOT KNOW IF THEY’VE EVER HAD ONE. Why? Because as mentioned above, not all orgasms are Meg Ryan-esque. Isiah explains, “sometimes orgasms are earth-moving and go through your whole body but sometimes, they’re smaller and just feel tingly.” SO, if you think you’ve never reached the big O because the sex didn’t make you squeal like a pig and squirt everywhere you’re wrong girrrrl. You probably have had one but you just didn’t know how to recognise it.

Pretty Much Every Woman CAN Have An Orgasm

I asked Isiah if there are any physiological reasons a woman might not be able to have an orgasm and she explained that basically, every woman who struggles to climax can absolutely learn, “with the right support and education.” So what’s holding us back?

#Psychology

We’re our own worst enemy when it comes to coming. Isiah gave me a list of psychological reasons behind the 40% of us who haven’t or aren’t regularly experiencing a jizz-fest:

• There’s not enough time spent on foreplay (CC: EVERY MALE IN THE UNIVERSE)
• Not enough clitoral stimulation (cc: my high school boyfriend)
• Some people have unconscious negative beliefs about sex (damn catholic education)
• Some women have a fear of ‘letting go’ (obvs none named Elsa)
• There are even some of us that believe it’s not ok for them to experience pleasure!
• Performance anxiety
• Feeling tired, stressed or anxious (or all of the above in my case)
• Not being able to stop thinking during sex (e.g. “This is NOT a good angle for my double chin”)
• Not actually knowing what you really enjoy sexually
• Not being able to ask your partner for what you want

That final point brings me to my next point, which may be obvious…

We’re Better At Doing It On Our Own

Because so many men want to dive right in instead of testing the waters first and because performance anxiety can get in the way, it’s no surprise that women who party solo are more likely to reach orgasm than when they play ‘hide the wand in the chamber of secrets’ with a partner. Fear not ladies, Isiah gave me three steps to increase your chance of having an orgasm with a partner:

Step 1: Send sexy texts during the day or wear nice lingerie as a way of mentally preparing or ‘warming up’. Isiah explains, “research shows that this actually increases a woman’s chance of reaching orgasm in the evening.”

Step 2: Spend at least 15 minutes in foreplay.

Mmmmmhhhhhhhmmmmm.

Step 3: Include direct clitoral stimulation during penetration intercourse. In other words, it ain’t just about P in V.

Now excuse me while I print Steps 1-3 and give them to every man and woman I know.

Words of wisdom by Anna Bradley.