Sex Stuff
21 May 2018
I blame Meg Ryan. That actress and her fake orgasm really gave women an unrealistic idea of what it means to climax. And as it turns out, the stats show that a heap of women have either never had an orgasm or struggle to reach orgasm regularly. So let’s leave our When Harry Met Sally diner moment, Fifty Shades comes-every-time-they-do-it mentality and break this shit down.
Sexologist Isiah Kimmie tells me that 30% of women struggle to reach orgasm on a regular basis, 10% of sexually active women have NEVER had one and there are even some women who MIGHT NOT KNOW IF THEY’VE EVER HAD ONE. Why? Because as mentioned above, not all orgasms are Meg Ryan-esque. Isiah explains, “sometimes orgasms are earth-moving and go through your whole body but sometimes, they’re smaller and just feel tingly.” SO, if you think you’ve never reached the big O because the sex didn’t make you squeal like a pig and squirt everywhere you’re wrong girrrrl. You probably have had one but you just didn’t know how to recognise it.
I asked Isiah if there are any physiological reasons a woman might not be able to have an orgasm and she explained that basically, every woman who struggles to climax can absolutely learn, “with the right support and education.” So what’s holding us back?
We’re our own worst enemy when it comes to coming. Isiah gave me a list of psychological reasons behind the 40% of us who haven’t or aren’t regularly experiencing a jizz-fest:
That final point brings me to my next point, which may be obvious…
Because so many men want to dive right in instead of testing the waters first and because performance anxiety can get in the way, it’s no surprise that women who party solo are more likely to reach orgasm than when they play ‘hide the wand in the chamber of secrets’ with a partner. Fear not ladies, Isiah gave me three steps to increase your chance of having an orgasm with a partner:
Step 1: Send sexy texts during the day or wear nice lingerie as a way of mentally preparing or ‘warming up’. Isiah explains, “research shows that this actually increases a woman’s chance of reaching orgasm in the evening.”
Step 2: Spend at least 15 minutes in foreplay.
Mmmmmhhhhhhhmmmmm.
Step 3: Include direct clitoral stimulation during penetration intercourse. In other words, it ain’t just about P in V.
Now excuse me while I print Steps 1-3 and give them to every man and woman I know.
Words of wisdom by Anna Bradley.
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