Anyone who knows me knows I’m a word nerd. It’s practically my job description. Now I’d like to think I’m not a word elitist. Does it make my eye twitch when my manager uses the word conniption for things that definitely don’t invoke a fit of rage? Yes, a little bit. Or when our Digital Marketing Manager throws around the word thespian like it actually means something outside the 16th century? Sure. But you know what? At least we’re using words that aren’t ‘um’ or ‘like’ or any other filler words.

Plus, malapropisms aren’t anything new and even as a founding member of the Word Nerd Society. I’m certainly not safe from using a word one way, only to find out it means something entirely different and don’t even start me on how many times I’ve had to say WED-NES-DAY to myself when planning out my week.

That brings us to this article which is one wholesome collection of people shooting their shot in the word game…and missing by half a mile. We’ve all been there and without Grammarly, we’d probably be there a lot more often.

Male vs Mail

I feel like there’s a lot more wrong with this statement than the misspelling of male.

Marijuana vs Marinara

Don’t tell my mum, but I love marinara.

Shovel vs Shuffle

To be fair, it does shuffle around the soil.

Potato vs Potoooooooo

I’m positive Willoughby Bertie had a very strong Irish accent.

Disgust vs Discuss

If we want to talk trash about stone fruit, why aren’t we talking about olives? Olives are grapes from hell.

Organic vs Orgasmic

They must be some damn good blueberries.

Cologne vs Colon

Mistake or meme? Whatever it is, please stop smelling each other’s colon.

Exit vs Exist

Maybe this isn’t a typo, maybe it’s mean to be a thought-provoking statement about the meaning of life and death and why we’re all here. Or you know, maybe it’s just a typo.

Doppelganger vs Double Banger

To this, my mum would say ‘get your head out of the gutter’.

Bonjour vs. Bone Jaw

As someone who has spoken French most of their life (humble brag), I FEEL this. French is hard.

Parmesan vs Parma Jawn or Farmer John or Parm A Shaun

As someone who also speaks Italian (I know, another brag, sorry), I blame Americans for this one. Parmesan said with an American accent doesn’t sound Italian or English.

Type Two vs Tattoo

I feel like Tattoo Diabetes was made up by conservative parents to prevent their kids from getting inked.

Cantelope vs Can’t Elope

Oh look, more subliminal messaging from my mum. However, I think the real crime here is that you don’t even get a discount for buying two. At $2.50 each, paying $5 for two isn’t a bargain, it’s just maths.

Open Sésame vs Open Scissor Me

As I said, French is hard but these people were talking about two distinctly different things.

Deceiving vs This Evening

The only trash here is the guy or girl that wrote this tweet.

Ultimatum vs All Tomato

I would love to be given some tomatoes just maybe not all of them.

Inconvenience vs Incontinence

Well, incontinence is kind of inconvenient.

Ellen DeGeneres vs. Ellen The Generous

Ellen is generous.

 Hand Soap vs Hand Soup

No soup for you.

Words by Emma Roffey