What I’ve Learnt After Binge Dating On Tinder 

03 July 2018

I was in a serious relationship when Tinder took off a years ago. So as soon as that when up in flames, I rubbed my hands together (in a creepy Mr Burns way) and knew it was finally my time swipe left and right. People warn you about the guys on Tinder but none of it really sinks in until after it happens to you. And, no I’m not naïve, I’m just guilty of being a hopeless romantic so I never discriminate any of avenues where the illusive “one” could be lurking.

After a string of dates in a short amount of time, these are the few thinks that I now know to be true about dating on Tinder.

Looking for love? You’ve come to the wrong place

I know, I know, yes there are some friends of friends who’ve met their long-time bae on Tinder. But how few and far between are those love stories. My point is, most guys on Tinder are lonely, want to bang or need a quick injection of validation. No one is ever looking for a girlfriend, and if they say they are, they’re lying. That doesn’t mean it’s not fun, it just means have zero expectations.

As much as you get along over message, you’ll only know if the chemistry is there IRL

You might be an excellent conversationalist, you know, someone who gets along with most people but don’t mistake that for a connection until you catch up in the real world. So instead of prolonging the texting, organise to catch up asap to avoid wasting time.

Tinder is almost a full-time job

It’s bloody tiring managing all your matches on the app, and I’ve noticed a lot of guys get pissed if you don’t reply straight away. Writing back to your real friends is hard enough now you’re responsible for crafting witty banter with a tonne of strangers without any guarantee of return on investment.

Most guys just want to get laid (yep, thank you captain obvious but I had to reiterate it)

If he’s not offering to take you for a drink or pizza, then he’s got one thing on his mind. Don’t be fooled if he comes over with wine and the intention of watching a movie, he still just wants to bang. I’m only warning you about this in case you’re the type to be hurt if he never calls you again after you do the deed, which, let’s be honest is most of us.  

50% of guys are lying about their age

After it happened three times in a row, I finally realised it was a thing. Silly me. Of course they’re lying about their age (they want to attract someone much younger than them). You’ll find the most common scenario is guys posing to be in their early 30’s have just turned 40. The shitty thing about this, is all three times they didn’t confess until the second date. The even shittier thing is, once you get past the age thing, you realise they’re likely to be hiding a lot more from you. How does this happen? Well I hate to admit it but guys generally age well, and some are lucky enough to look incredibly youthful. So how can you spot a liar? You can’t. If you can honestly see yourself being his wifey then just ask the hard questions in the gentlest way possible, that includes:  kids, divorce, drug habits and mental health issues.

It’s actually a good way to meet new mates

Funnily enough, in my search for a romantic connection I’ve ended up with new friends. This happens because a) they made me laugh hysterically on the first date and realising physical attraction is fleeting but banter can be forever so I friend zone them early on and b) it just happens.

Dating confessions by Jennifer Aitken