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10 October 2017
Let’s be real – we’re all guilty of falling into at least one of the below categories at some point.
For example, I know I definitely become the alco Snapchatter on the reg, which then inevitably turns into the 100 second Snapchatter once I’m a few white wines deep and I’ve completely forgotten just how much of a snap pest I’m being (which leads to the ‘oh-god-what-have-I-done-delete-these-now’ snapper the day after).
So, if any of these ring true for your own Snap habits, don’t feel too bad. Unless you’re the fit Snapchatter – then you should definitely feel bad for making the rest of us feel bad. The audacity…
To be fair, these guys are pretty impressive. Rather than your garden variety basic bitch dog filter snap, they put in some effort into doodles. You might even go as far as to say these guys are the modern day Picassos of the world. No? K moving on then.
These people like to rub it in our faces about how much they’re not failing at life. Whether it’s a gym selfie harping on about how #blessed they feel, a snap of their daily acai bowl, or showing off their early morning run captioned with some generic positive affirmation – it’s all just as annoying. We get it, you’re healthy. Leave the rest of us to our sleep-ins and binge eating in peace, pls.
This is pretty straightforward. These guys like to send snaps of themselves on the toilet.
These people are usually out drinking and partying with their mates while you’re forced to watch while trying to complete that 2000 word essay you’ve put off all week. Often it begins with a pic of their liquor of choice, following by someone downing shots, someone harassing the DJ to play ‘Wild Thoughts’, someone trying to sing, and someone stacking it on the DF.
The NSFW Snapchatters are the ones posting cheeky booty/bod/boobie/dick snaps. Or, they’ll just go straight up TMI and video in great details some things we really didn’t need to see (yes we’re talking about you and your bikini wax snap, Bella Thorne).
These guys are either sending a snap while driving with the speed filter to show off their need4speed, or snap themselves driving while lip-syncing the wrong words to some song on the radio. It’s not just super dangerous, it’s boring AF. Next.
The vast majority of the 100-second Snapchatter’s entire story will the same blurry, indistinguishable content – most likely a concert that manages to blow out your eardrums while the camera swings wildly around and not actually filming anything half decent.
It’s usually girls who are the biggest culprit of this, and I’m going throw it out there and say that 99% of the time it’s going to be the dog or flower crown filter as they angle their face, pout their lips and play with their hair while listening to some generic top 40 song (*cough* Kylie Jenner).
The vlogger Snapchatter will update you about their day from literally the moment they get up with their daily ‘good morning!’ selfie, until sundown when they show off what generic meal they’re having for dinner (bonus points for the ‘goodnight everyone’ snap). If you’re the type that doesn’t check your phone throughout the day, you’ll probs have a mini anxiety attack after seeing 300 notifications from this particular breed of Snapchatter.
Chill it on the updates, bud.
Words by Jessica Lynch
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