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15 September 2017
Taking a pregnancy test is one of the most emotionally draining experiences of a woman’s life. And that two minutes wait time can be extra hellish if the whole scenario is unexpected.
Those who’ve already been there will remember these stages well, and for those yet to experience the lung-crushing panic that you, a not-quite-adult, could possibly be responsible for another living, breathing, pooping human being, you have this to look forward to…
“I’m probably not pregnant, I’ll just take one just in case. It’ll be a funny story later…”
And when that fails, it’s time to call your BFF.
You might usually pee every five minutes, but when it’s actually a matter of importance, the struggle is real.
Hence why your sculling skills will come in handy.
“How the hell does it know I’m pregnant from my pee?”
“My aim is NOT GOOD”
“One line or two, which is which again?”
“How come you can’t just do this for STI checks?”
“Where do I put it now? Oh my god I touched the wet end.”
“It must be nearly time… 15 seconds?!?!”
“Ok so if I AM pregnant, I’ll just start my own business so I can work from home and not pay childcare. I should be documenting this right now, mummy bloggers make a fucking MINT these days.”
“If I’m NOT pregnant I promise I will never be unsafe again. I will always wrap it before I tap it, put it on before I get it on and protect my beaver no matter how much she’s eager.”
No matter what the result is, right… ?
Unless it’s inconclusive, then get ready to do it all again….
Words by Samantha McMeekin.
18 October 2021
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