Funny Shit Shopping

28 Weird Amazon Products People Love Spending Money On

26 April 2019

I don’t know if you’ve taken a look at the Amazon bestsellers lists recently but I tell you this, there is some weird stuff happening over there. From underarm patches to squatty potties, there’s a range of things I never knew I needed until the internet told me so.

To save you spending 2 hours scrolling Amazon like I just did (#journalism), here’s a list of weird yet wonderful things you’ll find on Amazon.

Kleinert’s Disposable Peel & Stick Absorbent Underarm Pads

We’ve all heard the wives’ tale of sticking panty liners on the inside of your shirt to prevent pit stains. Kleinerts capitalised on this theory with this 6 pack of wonderous deodorising pads. They’re hypoallergenic and safe to use on silk so there’s no need to sweat it (oi oi) next time you want to wear your fave grey shirt.

Original Eyeliner Stamp by LA PURE

Look, I’m all for lazy girl beauty but these stamps are taking it to a whole new level. According to Amazon, you’ll get a perfect, consistent finish every time. If like me, you don’t want a Sharpie getting that close to your eye, read up on these tips for the perfect winged liner.

Squatty Potty Unicorn Gold Toilet Spray

Each one of these 60ml sprays is good for 200 trips to the porcelain throne according to Amazon. Designed to conceal any evidence from your significant other or unassuming house guests that indeed like a functioning human, you poop from time to time, spray this before you go and leave your bathroom smelling fresh as a daisy.

Yesker Silver Stainless Steel Pineapple Corer, Peeler & Stem Remover

Anyone who has ever tried to cut a pineapple knows the struggle is real. Not anymore with Yesker’s quirky contraption that cores, peels and removes the stem of your fave tropical fruit. On the whole, people love it but be warned there are a number of reviews that contain the words “hospital visit” and “emergency room”.

J-Pillow Travel Pillow

Okay, so this travel pillow won British Invention of The Year 2019 which to me sounds like a bit of overkill. It’s a pillow for heaven’s sake but apparently, it’s a miracle worker on long haul flights (or Contiki buses when your friends are starting to be a bit too much).

Sharpty Inverted Umbrella

This brolly was invented for the sole purpose of helping you stay dry as you get out of the car in the rain. My question is, who are all of these people who don’t know how to use regular umbrellas? Where did they come from? Why do they need special upsidedown umbrellas? Apparently, the c shaped handle is very ergonomic for a woman’s hand, which again leads me to wonder, who are the men who think women are incapable of holding a regular umbrella?

The Negg Boiled Egg Peeler

The only reason I’m remotely interested in this product is that it’s a super cute colour. However, if you eat a lot of boiled eggs this might be the peeling solution for you. It deshells your egg fast and leaves no shell behind. Also, if you are a massive boiled egg person, have you tried poached? They’re far better.

Chiachi Defrosting Tray

Now, this is a product I can get behind. There is nothing I hate more than defrosting food in the microwave, it makes it all stodgy and gross. If this bizzaro thawing chopping board can solve that problem then take my money, I’m sold.

The Original Never-Soggy Cereal Bowl

Judging by the title of this cereal bowl, people love it so much that imitations have started circling. I’m not much of a cereal gal but I can get with the concept behind this bowl. Props to the creators, no props to the copycats.

Magnetic Mini Exercise Bike

If you understand what this exercise bike is doing for your health and fitness please call me. I’m confused. It looks like people are putting it underneath their desk at work but I can only imagine how distracting that is for everyone around you. There are better ways to stay fit when you work an office job, trust me.

YnM Weighted Blanket

Weighted blankets are popping up everywhere at the mo’. They’re supposed to be amazing for helping you get a good night’s sleep and a lot of people with anxiety swear by their calming effects. If I didn’t already have my boyfriend’s dead arm pinning me down at night while he sleeps I might’ve given this one a go.

Kitchen Gizmo Snap ‘N Strain Strainer

You know what I love? Pasta. You know what I hate? Spilling all of my pasta in the sink when I transfer it to a strainer. Find me the man or woman who invented the Snap N Strain because I want to marry them.

Natural and Organic Yoga Mat Cleaner

Asutra, 100% Natural and Organic Yoga Mat Cleaner, No Slippery Residue, Safe for All Mats, Cleans, Restores, Refreshes, Free Microfiber Cleaning Towel, Uplifting Eucalyptus Aroma, 4 Oz.

Nothing stinks more than a yoga mat that has gone too long in between washes, especially if you’re a Bikram girl like me. This mist cleanser promises to relieve odour, get rid of any slippery residue and say bye-bye to bacteria.

Motion Sensor LED Toilet Night Light

Anyone who has ever lived with a man knows the pain of heading to the bathroom the morning after they’ve done a midnight pee. Heaven forbid they lose some of their “tiredness” by turning on the light, this motion detecting gadget will help your man with his aim after dark.

Agile Toes Toe Separator

Agile Toes: Toe Separator Toe Spreader Toe Spacer Toe Divider for Therapeutic Relief from Bunions, Plantar Fasciitis, Hammer Toes, Claw Toes & other Foot Conditions, Spa & Pedicures for Men and Women

This toe separator has a 4-star rating and people in the reviews section love it (they also seem to love uploading pictures of their feet in it, ew). It’s specially designed to spread, lengthen and stretch your toes back to their natural length so if you’re not feeling your feet I guess this is for you!

Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook 

I’m a nerd when it comes to taking notes, just ask my boss. The Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook transfers all those nerdy notes and sends them to the cloud for easy filing. The pages are even reusable, to erase the writing, all you have to do is microwave the book. Copying your mate’s homework has never been easier.

Bio Bidet Handheld Personal Bidet

I’ve never seen a bidet outside of Europe. Maybe I’m just not fancy enough or maybe it’s because everyone freaking loves these pocket bidets and I just never knew about it.

Reusable Plastic Acrylic Nail Art Professional Soak Off Caps

GOGOONLY TM - 10pc Reusable Plastic Acrylic Nail Art Professional Soak Off Cap Clip UV Gel Polish Remover Wrap Cleaner Clip Cap Tool (pink)

I know using acetone to get shellac off your nails is really bad for them but I’m one those people that cannot stand the sound of fingernails being filed. It’s the opposite of ASMR. These clips let you soak your nails and not lose mobility in your hands. Genius.

Magic SakSak Reusable Silicone Dishwashing Gloves

Magic SakSak Reusable Silicone Dishwashing Gloves | Pair Of Rubber Scrubbing Gloves For Dishes | Wash Cleaning Gloves With Sponge Scrubbers For Washing Kitchen, Bathroom, Car and More, Red, 14.5"

Is there anything more disgusting than reaching into the sink and touching a soggy bit of food that wasn’t rinsed properly? No there’s not. So while these gloves are easily the ugliest effing things I’ve ever seen, they get a pass from me.

Fridge-It Cube, Naturally Activated Charcoal Deodorizer

The Fridge-It Cube is a little deodorant block for your fridge to keep it smelling fresh all day long. Another super handy tip for keeping your fridge fresh is to not leave rotting, old food in there in the first place. Just saying.

The Original Patented Car Seat Gap Filler

Never lose a fry down the side of your car sear again with this miracle creation. The creators are also very adamant that the original version is the only version worth buying, “BEWARE OF CHEAP KNOCKOFFS AND COUNTERFEITERS!!! IF IT DOESN’T SAY DROP STOP ON IT, THEN DON’T BUY IT! Drop Stop is the Original and Patented Car Seat Gap Filler. Every other product that claims to fill the gap works poorly, or not at all”. Harsh.

TONYMOLY Haeyo Mayo Hair Nutrition Pack

TONYMOLY Haeyo Mayo Hair Nutrition Pack

This tub of hair mayonnaise (yes, you read that correctly) is categorised under luxury beauty. Maybe it’s because Blake Lively swears by putting mayo in her hair but I couldn’t think of anything worse. 71% of people give it 5-star reviews despite the fact it apparently smells like fake tan. According to the internet, it’s especially good for fine-haired folk.

Lady Anti-Monkey Butt

Lady Anti-Monkey Butt | Women's Anti Friction and Sweat Powder with Calamine | Talc Free | 6 oz.

Obviously, this company needs some serious help with branding but if you can put the name aside, Amazon promises that this is a wonder product. The powder is designed to prevent your thighs from rubbing in the summer months and to keep you cool where it matters most.

Umbra Sombrero Citrus Juicer

Nothing wakes me up like a little bit of lemon water in the morning and nothing infuriates me more than trying to neatly squeeze it in the top of my water bottle. Before you @ me, slicing it and sticking it in whole makes it bitter because of the skin and you’ll lose the detoxifying effects. Amazon promises the Umbra Citrus Juicer works on standard water bottles but I’ll be the judge of that TYVM. 

Cricket Ultra Smooth Coconut Detangler Comb

Cricket Ultra Smooth Coconut Detangler Comb

Infused with keratin and coconut oil, this comb promises to add shine and a silky finish to all hair types. Reviewers insist that it’s a life-changing comb and everyone with hair needs one but tbh it just looks like a comb but for $7 it’s not a bad gamble.

ZUBA Car Trash Can with Lid

This car bin looks unlikely to fit a Maccas takeaway bag to me so thank u, next.

Hairby Facial Cleansing Brush Sonic Silicone Face Scrubbers

Hairby Facial Cleansing Brush Sonic Silicone Face Scrubbers IP66 Waterproof Electric Face Cleanser and Massager Brush for All Skin Types, USB Rechargeable, Blue

A very obvious knock-off of the celeb favourite Foreo UFO the Hairby Facial Cleansing Brush promises to gently remove residual makeup and exfoliate your skin. Anything that promises an at home facial massage is fine in my books, even better if it’s only $17.

The Original Wearable Nail Polish Holder

Another “original” product from Amazon is the Tweexy nail polish holder. This looks super handy but I wonder how many nails have been smudged when the ring has been taken off being the polish has been dry.