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06 May 2019
The 90s have been having a real fashion moment for the last few seasons. Baguette bags are back in style. Double denim is creeping back into our Insta feeds. Plaid made a comeback nobody predicted and we’re all back to being jealous of Cher Horowitz’ totes TD4 wardrobe. However, like anything, some things are better left behind. Way, WAY behind.
We’ve got this habit now to think everything we wore in the 90s is cool again but just ain’t true. Granted, they were halfway over by the time I was born, but there are some accessories from the 90s that were well and truly scorched into my poor little baby memory.
Surprise, but mood rings never actually worked. Now back in 1999, I would have been very upset by this revelation and I was well into my adult life when I worked out that they worked by heat and not ~mood~. Secretly I’m glad because these things were always ugly, we just looked past it because of their magic powers.
Aside from being unbearable to look at now, these headbands hurt if they got caught in your hair. The contraptions had a minor comeback on the runway in 2018 but honestly, they are far more sloppy than chic.
Sure, these might have been fine in the 90s when all I had to carry around on a daily basis was a Bonnie Bell Lipsmacker, 10 cents for a Maccas soft serve and a Tamagotchi. Fast forward to now and there is no way I could survive with such a small bag. Where would my laptop go? What about my water bottle? Emergency snacks? Reusable shopping bags? These are all things I cannot live without.
Sorry, but these bad boys should have exclusive residence in your costume box. They make every outfit look like it’s an attempt at fancy dress. Just don’t do it, oh and while we’re at it, let’s add coloured stockings to that list.
Or jelly flip-flops, whatever you call them, these are just plain ugly and not to mention painful. Of course, I had several pairs, but my favourites wore pink. It didn’t matter how many times I wore those tiny pink bastards, they still gave me the worst blisters of my life.
No matter how iconic she may be, Gwen Stefani had a particular penchant for this form of cultural appropriation. We’re all old enough now to know this one isn’t cool now so let’s just leave bhindis as fashion in the 90s shall we?
Okay, not strictly an accessory but the last thing any of us need is a zig-zag part come back. While we’re at it, lads, leave the curtain hair alone. It didn’t work then, it doesn’t work now.
I’m all for scrunchies. I’m all for hair scarves. I’m all for hair clips. However, I am not here for those ludicrously giant hair bows. Take them off your head, put them in the bin unless you want to look like Jojo Siwa.
Another hair accessory we’re willing to leave behind is the butterfly hairclip. Personally, I blame Britney Spears for this one and boy, I should not have taken her advice. Also have you ever stepped on one of these suckers? That shit is real pain.
26 March 2020
24 March 2020