22 August 2018
Hands up if you have ever confused yourself into oblivion when you’re dating someone because you’re following so many of these so called rules of dating? We’ve compiled a list of dating rules that you can break to make your life more stress-free. Dating should be a fun process and not turn you into something you’re not – a crazy, overthinking woman that throws her phone across the room when she hears she has a new message.
We’ve all been there when we have gotten a text from someone we really like and instead of replying straight away, we read the message, analyse it, craft our response and then proceed to wait several hours until we reply. We like to leave them hanging right? I know I have been guilty of doing this for many years when I first start dating someone. I don’t want to seem too interested because what if he doesn’t like me? Or the best one is, what if he’s just replying to be polite and he doesn’t actually like me that much? No girl, no. If someone is not interested in you they will just stop messaging you. The end. The fact is, if he’s replying, he is interested in talking to you. If you want to reply straight away when you receive a message, just do it. It will show him you are interested, which you are. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be worrying about it. Now you will embark on some fun banter with your new crush. You’re welcome.
It’s nearing 48 hours since your fabulous first date. On your date you talked for hours, there was an almost kiss and you really want to go out on another date and continue having some fun… but he has not texted you yet and so you wait and the more you wait the more you doubt if he’s interested in you. Error! Don’t wait for the guy to message you after a first date. Message him and tell him you had lots of fun and would love to do it again. Better yet, suggest another day then and there. If the date went as well as you think it did and you felt a connection, what have you got to lose? If he likes you he will be thrilled that you texted first.
You’re in the middle of a conversation and you have something so profound to say, but you stop because you’re worried it might be too deep and you don’t want to freak him out. In the past, I’ve had a conversation with someone and all of a sudden it steers in a direction where you have to talk about your feelings. Whether it be on past relationships or what you expect from future relationships (which can always seem serious since you hope that from dating this particular person it will turn into a relationship), all of a sudden the wall goes up and you’re left kicking yourself that you didn’t just say what was on your mind. Bite the bullet and have a naturally flowing conversation. Stop overthinking things and just say whatever first comes to your mind. Be yourself and be open and honest about how you feel. If he responds well and continues the conversation, then he is the right guy for you.
Have sex when you want to have sex. If you feel it and he’s nice and you’re vibing and somehow you end up at one of each other’s places making out on the couch, have some sexy time if you want to. No one that matters will judge you. Make it clear to your date what you want out of this. Clearly say at some point during the night (before you go home with each other) if you want this to be a one night stand or not. If you’re not normally a one-night stand sort of gal, let him know. If a guy has sex with you and he doesn’t get in touch ever again, it’s not your fault at all.
What century do we live in? I think it is always polite to split the bill. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it when men do things like opening the door for me and standing up on the bus. It’s very nice but when it comes to finances, I’m an independent woman and I think it’s fair to split the bill. You do it with friends, why should it be any different with someone you are dating? If he insists on paying, let him do it but don’t get into the habit of assuming your date will pay every time. It’s not like the majority of 20 something-year-olds are rolling in cash, so play fair.
One minute you’re flirting with him and the next minute you’re ignoring him because you think it will make you more mysterious and seem unavailable and therefore make him work harder for you. News flash, you like him, so you do want to look available. Giving mixed messages will just make him annoyed and he will think you’re confused and have a personality problem. The thing is, if you care enough to go through all the trouble of constantly altering your behaviour around him, in the end it will exhaust both of you. Don’t make it harder for yourself. If you like him, show him.
True story, I once made myself crazy because I was so nervous and scared about telling my bf that I loved him. It had been 3 months since we made it official and I kept asking myself, ‘is it way too early to be saying this’ and in doing so I freaked myself out big time. It took me ages to finally say it even though I knew I loved him way before the words finally left my mouth. Prolonging this made me feel stressed in an otherwise happy situation. Also, you don’t have to wait for them to say it first. If you feel it, let them know because there can never be too much love in the world.
If you want to be affectionate, be affectionate. Guys like it when you pay attention to them. We all like it when someone pays attention to us and shows us that they care. Past heartbreak can make it hard to open up to new people, but it’s necessary if you want to get to know someone as authentically as possible. It’s a challenge when you’re holding back only because you don’t want to get hurt and it’s a natural reaction to want to protect yourself. Everything happens for a reason and this person you’re currently seeing came into your life for a reason too. It’s cheesy af, but true. You have to make the most out of every situation and stop worrying about things that may or may not happen.
You go to your besties for dating advice and life advice in general and sometimes their opinions are spot on and you should listen to them. For example, they tell you to stop seeing that boy that sleeps around with other girls and keeps you close even though you have told him that you want to be exclusive but he doesn’t want to label anything. You should definitely take their advice and find someone that actually wants to be with you and only you. Your bestie will always mean well but when she says things like, ‘don’t reply yet, don’t call him back, wait x amount of days before your next date’, zone it out and go with your gut instinct. You know yourself better than anybody else.
Bloody good advice by Tamara Bose.
26 March 2020
24 March 2020