It’s been a while since we all sat down for a weekly wrap. Did you miss me? Well, Hollywood must have because some serious drama went down this week. Honestly, if you managed to keep up, props to you. If you didn’t, not to worry, we’ve covered everything you need to know.
Tana Mongeau and Jake Paul are getting married…already
minutes months into their relationship, young lovebirds and YouTube phenoms Tana Mongeau and Jake Paul have announced they’re getting hitched.
If you have no idea who either of those people are, you’re not alone. In the words of our Influencer Coordinator, Clare, “Tana is like a trashy story time influencer…but in a loveable way”. And Jake Paul is the brother of that other wanky guy on YouTube, Logan Paul. Who he is outside of that, I have no idea. If all of that still means nothing to you, here is a visual aid:
Yep, that’s Tana standing in front of the G-Wagon her bae Jake bought her for her 21st birthday. Now, in case you weren’t paying attention before, Tana and Jake have been dating for a grand total of two months. TWO MONTHS. I’ve been with my guy since high school and do you think I’ve ever been given a birthday Mercedes? The answer is no, for those of you playing along at home.
The extravagant gifts didn’t stop there.
Later at Tana’s party held at Drai’s Beach Club in Vegas, the freshly minted 21-year-old was presented with a cake that read “Will you marry me, Tana?” and a diamond big enough to rival the one Arod gave J-Lo in March.
The batshit crazy fast pace of Jake and Tana’s relationship is convincing many fans their engagement is fake AF. E News! went so far as to call an expert to examine the authenticity of the ring. The results? Well according to Ira Weissman, founder of The Diamond Pro, “everything about this little clip says ‘fake'”. Harsh.
— ZAFUL (@zaful_official) June 24, 2019
“You can see the exaggerated sparkling light…this is exactly what you would want to use to try to enhance the sparkle of a simulated diamond to make it look like the real thing,” Weissman says. “Plus, the glassy look of the very large centre stone as it’s brought closer to the camera also points heavily toward it being a cubic zirconia”.
Whether it’s a cubic zirconia or excessive use of the Kira Kira app, we’re sure this whole saga is doing exactly what it was supposed to for the pair’s self-proclaimed “clout relationship”.
Jordyn Woods flat out lied about that cheating scandal
Thought you’d heard the last of Jordyn Woods? Thought she’d fade into the oblivion along with everyone else who’s crossed the Kar-Jenners? I hate to break it to you, but it ain’t over until Kris Jenner says it’s over.
On this week’s piping hot ep of KWUTK, we finally get to see how the whole cheating scandal between Jordyn, Khloe and Tristan blew up.
The ep starts with Khloe thinking she’s pregnant (side note: if I took a test every time I felt nauseous and had a headache, Clearblue would make me an influencer) and having a little girly chit chat with Jordyn, Kendall and Kylie.
Then, we take a trip down memory lane. Remember the first time Khloe’s ex-scumbag cheated on her and Kim found while filming her sit-down interviews. Well, history repeats itself (or is at least made to look that way), because that’s exactly what big sis Kim was doing when Larsa Pippen called to tell her what had happened at Tristan’s party the night before.
From there you can pretty much predict what happens. The whole family kicks off about Jordyn’s inconsistent version of what happened at the party. To Khloe, she says they made out, to Kylie she never mentions sitting in Tristan’s lap and let us not forget the major understatement she gave Jada on Red Table Talk.
Khloé is surprisingly the calmest member of the Kardashian family at this point. She even says she understands if Jordyn wants to downplay what happened and can even text her if she doesn’t have the guts to tell her the truth over the phone. Khloe’s only anger comes from the face she still hasn’t gotten a single apology to her face.
For anyone wondering if Kylie is intending on rekindling her BFF status with Jordyn, I think this quote says it all. “I called her and she didn’t really say anything. She was just, like, crying the whole time,” Kylie tells Khloe, “I was just telling her, like, ‘I’m scared of you now. That you’re capable of waking up the next morning with a smile on your face”.
One hour of isn’t nearly enough time to spill all this tea, so obvi Kris Jenner is blessing us with a two-part season finale of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. For now, we’ll be watching the trailer for part two on repeat (shout out to Koko’s “speak my truth” dig).
Kim K’s new product line is here and it’s already in trouble
This week in Keeping Up With Kim Kardashian’s Bank Account yet Kim K is dealing with not one but two controversies. While the internet is still undecided about the release of her controversial body foundation (which promptly sold out btw), Kim’s not slowing down with
products that make us insecure about our bodies her new launches. This week, fans are not here for the name of her new solutionwear™ line: Kimono.
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Finally I can share with you guys this project that I have been developing for the last year. I’ve been passionate about this for 15 years. Kimono is my take on shapewear and solutions for women that actually work. I would always cut up my shapewear to make my own styles, and there have also been so many times I couldn’t find a shapeware color that blended with my skin tone so we needed a solution for all of this. The third pic is the solution short. I developed this style for all of those times I wanted to wear a dress or skirt with a slit and still needed the support. Introducing Kimono Solutionwear™ for every body. Coming Soon in sizes XXS – 4XL in 9 shades. I can’t wait for you to feel this fabric!#KimonoBody @kimono Photos by Vanessa Beecroft
WTF is solutionwear™ I hear you ask? It’s legit just shapewear. It doesn’t need a fancy trademarked name. Don’t @ me about ‘solutionwear’ be more body positive. If that were the case it wouldn’t have been trademarked for exclusive use.
Speaking of trademarks, here’s where Kim got herself in trouble.
The decision to call her new brand Kimono – the name of a traditional piece of clothing that’s the complete opposite of shapewear – seems a little on the nose. Naturally, Kim has already reacted to the upset, saying she has no intention of changing the name.
This is #kimono I wore to my wedding. I'd like Kim to imagine how she'd feel if someone treated her wedding, prom or baptism dresses as lingerie.
"Kimono" are not just clothes but are a symbol that evokes precious memories and important life events. #KimOhNo pic.twitter.com/gD2KrTzsLR
— Misako Oi (@misakohi) June 26, 2019
My culture is not your brand name generator 🇯🇵👘🍱🍵 #KimOhNo
— mayuko (@hellomayuko) June 26, 2019
A smaller portion of the upset comes from Kim K choosing to sell (yet again), a product that is designed to fix the “flaws” in our bodies.
While I’m still on the fence about the whole body makeup thing, let’s cut Kim a break. She didn’t invent shapewear. It’s been around for years and honestly, this is the first attempt I’ve ever seen for it to match such a large range of skin tones. Normally, shapewear just comes in that one shade of beige we all call nude, even though it’s not actually nude on anyone.
Plus, poorly chosen and problematic branding aside, this product alone is bloody genius. Slit friendly shapewear? What took it so long?
By the way, did we mention the launch comes the same week in fact as the Jordyn and Tristan scandal aired on KWUTK? We see you, Kris Jenner.
The Hills reboot premiered and Spencer Pratt is exactly the same
It feels like it’s been 60 years since MTV announced that The Hills would be returning to our screens for a reboot. The Hills: New Beginnings started this week and in the 10 years the show has been off air, next to nothing has changed.
— Pratt Daddy (@spencerpratt) June 25, 2019
Unlike Netflix’s Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life these reality stars are all still pretty good actors (ironic, we know). By far the best line delivery still comes from Spencer Pratt who’s surname says absolutely everything you need to know about him.
On Mischa Barton joining the cast, Pratt offered this somewhat backhanded compliment, “the only one [in the cast] who’s not a stranger is Mischa. I watched all of The O.C.and loved the part where she drove off a cliff”.
I wonder what Heidi, Spencer’s wife and cast mate, thinks about Spencer considering everyone in the cast, but Mischa, a stranger? Does he include their child in that equation?
Regardless, let’s hope Mischa brings the energy Spencer is looking for to the show. In his own words, the reboot “can’t just be all [of us] eating fruit and hummus on the beach all day”. I don’t know about you but that sounds like quality TV to me.
Oh and if you’re worried about Spencer’s crystal collection, don’t be. The 35-year-old confessed he always carries a crystal when filming with Audrina, you know, just to shake off the bad energy.
Luckily, not everyone in the show is stuck in 2010. Heidi broke through the younger audience with this very hip and not at all fuddy-duddy metaphor for what filming the show is like: “It’s challenging when people aren’t being real and everyone’s fighting for that Iron Throne”. No Heidi, West Coast not Westeros.
Not one to let an ill-timed television reboot slide, Twitter lit up with some cracking mid-show commentary.
Below are just a few of our favourites.
The Hills relaunch makes the bold assertion that people in their 30s are interesting
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) June 25, 2019
Brandon Lee is the right mix of trashy hotness I wouldn’t mind ruining my life! #TheHillsNewBeginnings
— Jumata Emill is Revising 👨🏾💻 (@brownboywriting) June 25, 2019
— Lucy on the Ground (@lucyo21) June 25, 2019
The beauty community cut loose…again
In 2019 we can’t have a weekly wrap without someone from the online beauty community starting a fire on the internet. This week it was Marlena Stell and if you’re an influencer, boy, does she have words for you. The video is an hour and a half long so if you’re looking for a breakdown. You’re in the wrong place. However, I will say this, someone start crowdfunding for all of the beauty community to go on a yoga retreat in Bali. They need it.
Wrap is back by Emma Roffey