How To Deal With The Token Work Bitch

17 October 2017

The ‘bitch’ at work. There’s always one.

The condescending tone when they address you in meetings, the passive-aggressive emails, their quickness to take credit for other’s work and loudly toot their own horn but never congratulate anyone else on their achievements… Yep, BITCH.

So how do you deal with her* petty behaviour? Here are some of our favourite schoolyard and childish tactics. Sorry to all the grown-ups out there.

#1 – The poo-shamer 💩

This one works a treat if your bathrooms are in full view of the office. Time it so that you’re entering just as she’s leaving. Start with a big ‘PHWOAR!’, screw up your nose and make hand gestures that suggest someone has done a big dirty deuce.

#2 – The ‘gotcha’ email 😏

The next time she’s demanding something earlier than first requested, or trying to dob you in for something she stuffed up, do this:

Find the original email with the agreed-upon terms or discussion, and copy and paste it into your response. Make sure to include the dates and times and CC in anyone it concerns. Write a sassy sentence along the lines of “Thanks for checking in, I will have it completed by ‘XX’ as previously discussed with ‘insert bitches name here’ per the below email.”

Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

#3 – The praise plan 🤗

Just like the candy cane tactic in Mean Girls, hand out compliments to your fellow co-workers whenever they do a good job, preferably loudly and in front of everyone. But of course, the key here is to leave a certain someone out. And none for Gretchen Weiners, byeeee.

#4 – The face-to-face 🤷

If her bitchiness comes mainly in email form, don’t stoop to her keyboard bashing level. Walk over to her and raise the issue in person.

Quote her email if it was particularly rude and suggest a solution, that way you’re not only calling out her bad behaviour but showing everyone that you’re professional despite it.

#5 – The ex-boyfriend 👌

Employ the same tactics you would if you were dealing a prick of an ex. Limit your contact as much as possible, only engaging with them when necessary. Detach yourself of all emotion and work on yourself, do things that make YOU look good, enjoy your work and show everyone that their shit attitude doesn’t get to you because you’re fucking fabulous.

#6 – The safety in numbers 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

As per bitch requirements, they’re nasty to most people they meet and you won’t be the only one suffering.

If you’re ever privy to their attack on someone else, whether in person or via email, offer your sympathies to your fellow innocent co-worker. Not only could this turn into a beautiful friendship that helps you both ignore the bitch and act as each other’s confidants, but if things get really bad you can both bring up her behaviour come review time.

One complaint can be ignored, but two or three are likely to be taken more seriously.  

*Just using ‘her’ as an example and for the sake of readability, but men can totally be bitches in the workplace too.

Have any more battle-tested tactics for dealing with the token work bitch? Let us know in the comments!

Words by Samantha McMeekin.