Have You Committed One Of These Office Crimes?

17 September 2017

Ahhh another Friday is here and we’ve all successfully managed to tolerate enjoy the company of our co-workers for another week.

Love them or hate them, working in close proximity with a diverse group of people over MANY hours Mon-Fri can be straining at times. Just like the people you live with, close proximity with work peeps can exacerbate irritations that might usually not be that big a deal.

But how do you deal with annoying work irritations? It’s usually far too awks to actually go up to Peter in HR to winge about ol’ Ange who chews her lunch really loudly (Peter also has far more pressing work issues to deal with).

So I’ve come up with the perfect resolution to your office issues. Below you’ll find an array of common office annoyances accompanied by hilarious GIFs.

Simply share around as an incredibly passive aggressive, but also pertinent and hilarious way of nipping Ange’s lack of manners in the bud.

Culprit One – The martyr that comes to work sick…

Are you coughing and spluttering and blowing your nose everywhere? GO HOME! I promise you won’t be missed that much and if you really can’t be spared from your job because you’re so IMPORTANT, then do your IMPORTANT work from home. Office environments are like a breeding ground for bacteria so by bringing your germs into the office, you’re basically giving your illness to your team. NOT NICE!


Culprit Two – The microwave fiend…

EVERY office has a few of these. The microwave fiend often brings in really heady leftovers or lunches to heat in the microwave. Thereby stinking out the entire office. Leave the leftover curry and fish at home kids.


Culprit Three – The office idiot…

You know this clown, they think they’re so funny and come into your office a few times per day to tell you something completely unfunny before walking out cackling at their own jokes.

*There’s a 98% chance I am this culprit in my office.


Culprit Four – The know it all…

This culprit has particularly strong opinions on one of the following; politics, religion, fitness and or/ food choices (IQS advocates I’m looking at you). These people enjoy nothing more than boring people senseless with their one-sided opinions, not caring in the slightest that you happen to be atheist and/or have a penchant for sour straps.


Culprit Five – The bangle jangler…

Generally reserved for the females in your office, this lass wears heavy or a multitude of arm candy on her wrist without realising that every time she types something or moves her mouse they bang and hit and jangle against the desk. Distraction level = tenfold.


Culprit Six – The pen person

There are several types of annoying pen decorum;

a) I’m not sure why pens were ever invented with a ‘clicker’ as it’s a completely unnecessary and INCREDIBLY ANNOYING feature. For the love of your colleague’s sanity, PLEASE stop clicking your damn pen.

b) The incessant pen thief who just ‘borrows’ you pen (or any of your stationary for that matter) and fails to give it back. Or…

c) They return your pen with bite marks on the end. Which means they’ve had it swiveling around in their saliva.


Culprit Seven – The inappropriate one…

This chap or lass goes so much further than traditional TMI they’ve entered a whole new district. Sexual exploits, bowel movements, test results – you name it and they’ve filled you in on it.  There’s a chance you’ve seen their partners nude shots and they’re not against taking their clothes off in front of the room just to show everyone a scar they got as a wee tot.

*There’s a 99% chance I am this culprit in my office.


Culprit Eight – Mister Music…

Anyone who thinks communal spaces should all listen to the same music is batshit. Just listen with your headphones and then no one will have to suffer through bad radio or Taylor Swift if they don’t want to. On that token, be mindful of your headphone volume. Listening to your coworker’s tinny musical leftovers is almost worse than Swift.


Culprit Nine – The AC villain…

The temperature of the AC in your office is an extremely contentious issue. Majority rules though so if you’re hot, put a little fan under your desk and if you’re cold put a jumper on.


Culprit Ten – Loud noises…

There’s the guy who gets at least 10 phone calls a day but is never at his desk and his ringtone is on something really loud and obnoxious. Or there’s the girl with 6 meetings and her alarm keeps going off for inconsequential things like ‘take pill’ or ‘message Jo’. If you leave your desk and don’t take your phone, how about you turn your phone on silent, eh? There’s an idea!


Culprit Eleven – The lurker…

This pest likes to have intense conversations RIGHT BEHIND your desk. Oh don’t mind me Steve, I’ll just sit here while you’re orbiting in my area yelling at poor intern Kevin about something I couldn’t care less about.


Culprit Twelve – The CC-er…

This is an office travesty that can break an employee’s will to live. There’s nothing worse than being unwittingly caught in an unending email thread fueled by ticked-off coworkers and major bouts of passive aggression.