Wahoooooo… Ep. 10 of the Bach is here and I’m so excited to hang out with Osh!
The episode opens with some helmet-clad gals racing down a racetrack and some car noise.
The Badge is there, talking about burning some rubber and he doesn’t mean the Lifestyles type.. he means the Honda type. Honda is given much product placement and we’re taken to the race track where its revealed the girls will be earning their date by skidding Hondas into Osh’s face.
Four girls are kitted up in helmets, skid towards him and The Badge says it gives him a flutter in his heart. We know he means in the pants.
Brittany, Soph (a loaf), The Russian Reindeer and Brookesta are revealed as the helmeted girls doing doughies and he’s even happier. Group date success!
Osh pipes up to fuck up the otherwise romantic date with some convoluted rules; they’re asked to drive the car around based on trust – wearing blindfolds. Not sure this is legal.. but The Badge is a reasonable guy so he lets the girls pick their prize in exchange for putting their lives at risk playing this blindfold car game.
Because they are intelligent beings, they choose a box of avocados. They literally could’ve chosen anything in the world but because they’re true Aussie lasses, they chose avos’ as a prize worthy of their lives.
Soph is first up on the blind car racing podium and The Badge’s advice to her is: “If in doubt, balls out”. She says no thanks and revs around like a pro.
Britt is next but The Badge accidentally calls her Brooke in a Freudian slip of love. Several times actually.. Given their last date, this is the closest thing to being called the wrong name in the sack. Ya think you know someone…
Luckily she doesn’t hear over the fact she’s such a terrible driver. They are also terrible at communicating (Britt is also just terrible at driving) and the whole of Australia knows they can never do the groceries together.
Brooke’s up, and like the good country, happy go lucky chick she is, she’s a good driver and wins by a bee’s wanger. But not before the Russian Reindeer gets to show off her non-existent manual car driving skillz. She even gives herself a catchphrase that she’s Russian – but not rushin’. She manages to do no more than bunny hop the car. I feel ya!
Soph (a loaf.. kills me) wins the box of avos and an awkward hug on a well placed couch.
Once that’s over.. We get introduced to another single date (that is not with Cass.. she’s probs running out of The Badge’s hair by now) with Jamie-Lee!
The Badge’s first date with Jamie-lee is revealed as…… FENCING! I bet she’s bloody thrilled about brandishing a sword in The Badge’s direction.
Jks.. The Badge says Japan is his favourite country and this is why they are doing this… NOT because he wants to see yet another girlfriend fail on a date activity – which is what it seems like. She looks about as happy as every girl anywhere being told her first date is getting poked with a (non-metaphorical) metal rod.
They arrive, swing some swords at each other and The Badge takes it very seriously whilst Jamie- Lee struggles to unsheathe her own sword let alone his.
Afterwards, they join each other on a D&M lounge where The Badge tells Jamie-Lee that she is so different and there must be more to her…. like every girl who isn’t emotional must be hiding some big bad secret.
She’s not very interested in him. They stare off into the distance weirdly.
Back at the mansion, the girls are talking about how the date went and how a rose is a life or death situation.
Jamie-Lee comes back from the date sans rose. Everyone loses their fucking minds because that means death.
Jamie-Lee gets VERY emotional that she didn’t get a rose.. Cass creepily comforts her about not getting a rose whilst undoubtedly removing pins from her Badgey voodoo doll. I’m not one to speculate, but I feel like Cass looks a little more drunk than usual in this ep.
The Badge calls Tennille for a private chat on the ever-present couch. They yammer a bit and she breaks down crying about having to show emotion so quickly and the irony is strong.
She pretty much emotionally blackmails The Badge and says that she’s being shady for a reason and he needs to take the time to understand her shadiness before it’s too late. The Badge is The Badge and basically tells her, he does not have time for turning the shade into light because he’s only got 4 eps to go. He does offer to put her in the car though which is v sweet.
Because of Tennille’s crying behind latticework (again), it’s announced, there is no rose ceremony and everyone should go home. You’re not the boss Osh, we’ll go to bed when we want to. But alas, the girls sit and drink without roses but the comfort they didn’t have to work to stay.
Picasso Shanz cries irrationally hard for someone who has just found out her boyfriend has dropped his side piece. The rest of the girls comfort her like they are not also boning her BF.
Until next time..