I had a very productive day yesterday. And when I say productive, I mean I had a hangover so bad I could do nothing but sit my sorry ass on the couch, shovelling salty food down my gob, while I binged the final season of Orange Is The New Black, or ‘prison titties’, as my dude friends call it. And, I have some questions.
Last week I read some reviews of the final season and they were all glowing, saying things like ‘the perfect ending’ and ‘every story was tied up in a nice bow’. And these reviews are… well, wildly inaccurate. Cos’ I have questions. Fuckloads of them TBH. It was not all neat bows and after a 6-year commitment to the show, I’m VERY annoyed that they probs will never be answered.
So here are my questions for the writers when they decide to personally email me and LMK.
Did Dogget O.D on purpose!? In a completely unexpected start to the season finale, she’s seen dead in a body bag but there’s no explanation. How did she O.D when the other girl was fine? Did she mean to do it?
WTF happened to Maritza? I get that she was deported but where did she end up and what is she doing and IS SHE OK!?
So is this nice lady still just like stuck in the desert? Did she die there? Did the dude come back for her? I realise she was a latecomer to the show but you really sold her to us and now I just really need to know if she survived and found her kids?
Did Aleida kill Daya!? Daya had turned into a real asshole so I mean I wouldn’t be mad, but I would like to know.
Finally, who the fuck is this dude!?
READ: Best Moments From S1-6