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Bachelor In Paradise: Ep.8 Recap ‘Simone FINALLY Goes On A Date’

I thought I’d enjoy the 4 nights per week of bach more, but TBH it sort of feels like the edits have been really dragged out and fabricated to try and intensify the #drahma, ya know?

Newly arrived and very giggly Simone is given a date card from her pal Tara, who is bloody fkn CHEERING that after this long, Simone finally has a single date.

Simone chooses to take Jarrod on a paddle-boarding/yoga class (run by no one it appears, where TF is Keira?) and they have a riveting conversation about…well, conversations.

Jarrod is trying to romantically carry Simone around on his back but she accidentally touches his sunburn (hard not to really) and he squeals out with pain before promptly dropping her gallantly into the ocean.

He then tries to show her how erotic he can be by showing her face into his crotch to prove that at least his D isn’t a concerning shade of pink… we hope anyway…

Then he puts a cocktail umbrella behind his ear because he saw Tara do the same thing yesterday with a flower and everyone loves Tara so maybe if he copies her ppl will think he’s as charming and sweet as Tara.

* Narrator: ‘they didn’t’

Back at camp, there’s a LOT of #drahma in lieu of tonight’s rose ceremony with all the men trying to scramble around and figure out who TF they should give their rose too.

  • Eden decides to pick Elora over Nina because Nina has firmly told him there will be no island hanky-panky and while she said this Elora was winking behind her while flashing a boob at Eden.
  • Jarrod chooses Simone because she is his new girlfriend and he really enjoyed their erotic time together.
  • Uncle Sam chooses Tarzy because they are in love.
  • Grant goes for Ali because they’ve still got at least 62 more places to have sex around the island, Wice gave them a list that Canadian Daniel had carefully curated and proffered at him before being forcibly removed by Osh.
  • Jake chooses Megan cos’ she hawt.
  • American Jarrod chooses Leah and I can actually see that happening.
  • Michael decides to go rogue and opt for Luke’s wife Lisa but the kinda just loses the plot and runs off to cry like an angsty teenager.

  • Luke is shook but decides to give his pal Keria a rose as she doesn’t seem to be coping well with all the alcohol and #drahma.

We end with the wonderful news that man/god Apollo will be joining our screens next week and for that. I am very grateful AND will allow dragged out edits to see his face/smile/rig.

 

 

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