Daniel is that guy who sends you the following messages on Tinder…
- ‘hay u up?‘ *written at 11pm on a school night
- ‘dtf, wbu?‘
- ‘ur so fkn sexi’
- ‘wanna have some fun? ;)’
- ‘sit on ma face pls’
and then when you wb something sassy or just ignore him, he sends you another message that reads something like this…
- ‘YOU’RE UGLY ANYWAY’
- ‘FUCK U UR UGLY’
- ‘Have fun being single, bitch’
- ‘Too bad you lost your chance with my D’
I really hate dedicating this post to a discussion/roast about him, but at least if potential suitors google DANIEL MAGUIRE, they’ll quickly abort any favorable thoughts they might have.
Let us discuss the gross things he did/said last night shall we?
He said things like this…
Like honestly is that a compliment? ‘Gee thanks weird man who is secretly chasing Wice, that makes me want you so bad’…
AND he sits facing a woman like this which is weirdly sexually confronting…
I’m pretty sure he then asked Keira if she was ‘moist’ and Australia collectively did this…
The barrage of comments only Trump and Weinstein would approve of didn’t stop with Keira. Oh no they did not.
Nina copped it.
So Jarrod got very upset about the whole situation and begged the producers to get rid of him.
The told him it was up to the roses and that Keira seemed to like Daniel given she just kissed him and pulled this face…
Jarrod was beside himself…
The producers didn’t want Jarrod’s to get any redder so checked his colour scale and realised it was in his best interest (and the insurance levy for C10 hospital cover) to remove Daniel from the island.
Srsly whoever made this chart is a genius.
The producers had a word with all the girls and dobbed on Daniel so none of them gave him a rose.
Daniel was suitably shocked/unimpressed and left us with a few more appalling/amazing one-liners.
So long sucker, I hope you get stuck in the middle seat on your flight home to Canada (which isn’t America FYI Osh).
Other shit that happened:
- Keira and Jarrod kissed.
- Grant dumped Leah for Ali.
- Grant and Ali kissed.
- Nina said she hasn’t kissed Eden yet and I honestly have no idea WTF they’ve been doing together for the past few weeks if they weren’t furiously bonking in a bungalow.
- Meagan was forced into a date she 100% did not want to go on with another AMERICAN INVADER ‘Arrival 21 Less-red-Jarred’.
- Michael wore some more hanky shirts.
- Jarrod thinks Keira is Madonna.
- Blake is removed from Fiji by locals.
- Mack is kindly asked to leave.
Until next time, I leave you with this…
“You can build your abs in a gym but you can’t build a heart”. – Michael Turnbull