TV & Film

19 Times The Gossip Girl Script Writers Were On Crack

These were some seriously weird plot holes 🤔

Alright, so it’s the ten year anniversary of Gossip Girl (shriek!) and there are rumours of an all-new season. Excitement is an understatement but ten years has left a lot of time to question the events that unfolded over those six seasons. In the land of the upper east side, there’s a whole lotta’ morally questionable shite that went down and tbh, some of it just didn’t make sense.

So I’ve taken the time to remind you of some of these occasions in the hope of sharing the burden.

The pilot bus ride…

Nate and Chuck take the school bus in the pilot and ignore/degrade poor little lonely boy only to never have to deal with anything less than a limousine again. Did Bart Bass get his tax back in the time slot between episode one and two? Who knows.

Mummy issues…

Chuck is seen candidly chatting about stealing his mum’s painkillers in the same episode just to reveal later on she’s been dead since he was a baby. Oops..

More mummy issues…

Actually just generally anything about Chuck’s mum. Years later, I’m still not sure I know who this mystery woman is. She was dead, then alive and hanging around, then not, then creepily hovering over her own grave, then Bart bought her off to disappear then…I don’t know. Help me understand? I beg you!

Daddy issues…

Poor Chuck, his dad also faked his own death just to come back and really die and no one really cared the second time because it was all about the wedding of Chuck and Blair. Where was he? Why did everyone just brush over the big shady business deal he was in protection from? Why did Lily just dump Rufus and go back to schmacking the Bass? Bart also put Chuck on a plane that was supposed to crash and burn in his absence but no one really cared that much tbh.

Blair’s eating disorder…

Blairs obvious stress dealing/bulimic ways kind of just disappear and it’s never really addressed. I feel like the writers started, then realised it was too topical so just culled it… heavy.

Phoning from jail…

Juliet (Serena’s teacher/boyfriend who most certainly did not serve enough time for what is a pretty serious crime) was always texting from prison. Weird.

The drinking age…

Everyone being able to drink. All the time. At every bar. The legal drinking age in America is 21 people! The shitfaced flashbacks of Serena and Nate banging on the bar (DRAAAHMA) put them at around 16 at the time. But y’know… martinis. The fact that Chuck owned a club before 21 is also moderately questionable.

Who’s boyfriend is who?…

The general weirdness of everyone being OK swapping boyfriends with their BFF’s. If my bestie was even remotely lurking on my ex, I’d ditch the bitch. Where’s the loyalty?

Jack Bass…

When teaming up to save Chuck from total self-destruction post Blair, Jack references having a new years with Blair once before. Sorry what? What happened on new years?  Does Chuck ever find this out? Why is a new year’s with your dates uncle less scandalous than your boyfriend gambling you for an empire? No bloody clue. Again, someone pls help me.

Waffles…

The fact that Dan and Jenny are often running late but always have time for waffles…Just casually, waffles. Every. Damn. Day. No one’s that skinny eating that many waffles.

Ivy School dropouts…

Everyone stops going to their swanky colleges they tried v hard to get into with no explanation and I honestly wonder how this worked out for them.

All of the missing kids…

Remember Lily and Rufus’s son Scott? Nah don’t worry, nor did the scriptwriters. He was just lost and forgotten like Georgina’s baby Milo, Dorota’s baby, Blair’s unwanted love child and that weird English writer played by Liz Hurley in the black hole that was season 5.

No cancer, no problem…

Lily ended up with her ridiculous ex-husband in the end. Wasn’t this the dude telling some pretty big whoppers? Like having cancer? White lies can probably be forgiven but being an absolute psychopath? Unlikely. Ignore the fact your kids are dating and go for Rufus, Lily! Modern family yo’!

Wardrobe never malfunctions…

No one ever wears sweats. Netflix and chill? No.

Lola/Charlie/Ivy…
I can’t even..

Nate ended up with no one…

Who did poor old tortured Nate end up with? I kinda dug when he was with Jenny if I’m honest despite the age gap (hello, teacher and STUDENT!). It was all very calming and settling on her tortured Brooklyn soul.

Ninja read time…

Everyone read Dan’s Inside book so quick. Hello, how much chaos can really happen in one day?

Serena thought she killed a dude and no one really cared…

She was just a troubled teen after all.

And finally…

Dan was Gossip Girl. What the actual fuck? Despite this being logistically flawed because the amount of times he was blasted, or that time at the masquerade ball when he finds Serena’s computer open and he is shocked to see it despite being very much alone, it’s actually just fucked how morally wrong this is.

He destroyed his sister’s life! Then punched Chuck for banging her.

Also, an 18 y/o dude signing off his public shit-blasts (usually against his baby sis/love of his life) with ‘xoxo, Gossip Girl’.  Its just…please..bring on the new era!!!

Don’t even get me started on Pretty Little Liars.

 

Words by April Murphy. 

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