If you have no idea what beard burn is, count your lucky stars. Beard burn is the same thing your mum calls pash rash (or ‘stache rash), but you know, further south. You might not know about pash rash because dear old Mumsy never spoke about, which lowkey, thank heavens. Not even Regina George’s mum could pull off talking about cunnilingus or any resulting oral sex injuries with her offspring.
Even if you haven’t had beard burn ‘down there’ before, if you’re anything like me, a sensitive skinned lass who marks easily, your face has probably met the same fate during a steamy makeout session. Your man’s stiff (lol) facial hair tears at your skin undoing all that hard work your skincare routine is doing. It’s practically criminal. However, we’ve got the solutions to prevent such crimes against your cookie so you can
sit lie back and relax (literally).
So, how TF can you prevent beard burn?
I mean obviously the easiest way to not get pash rash on your vag is to not engage in any kind of, um, activity, that would give you such a condition. That, however, is extremely boring and not fun for anyone. If you want to prevent or soothe beard burn, we’ve asked the questions you don’t want to. So without further ado, here’s what we (who are by no means qualified to give any kind of medical advice) suggest.
Get hot and sweaty (again)
GPs suggest taking a nice, long, hot soak in a bath Epsom salts to help subside the redness and irritation. On a side note, Epsom salt baths are just generally a great little bit of self-care. Adding Epsom Salts into your bath decreases any tightness in your muscles (you know, in case you’ve had a particularly strenuous session). Plus, the magnesium in the salts also can provide a temporary toning effect if it’s that time of the month and your bloat is a little too much for your go-to outfit.
Ice, ice baby
If you’re one of those unlucky sods without a bathtub in your apartment (read: most of us), a bag of ice or even some frozen peas may do the trick. While it won’t permanently relieve your lady bits, it will numb them until all is right as rain.
Grow it out
We’re not talking about you -but by all means go ahead with that if you so wish – we’re talking about the lucky lad going downtown. Weirdly, a longer, fuller beard is less likely to give you irritation than a three-day-growth. The reason being that facial hair is more corse at the roots. On top of that, if your man keeps his beard like a well-oiled machine, the hairs are more likely to conditioned and thus, softer to the touch.
Back to basics
Sometimes solutions are a lot easier than we suspect. In fact, the answer is right there in your childhood (weird when we’re talking about sex, we know). Nappy rash ointment! The reaction your experiencing is similar to what you had as a bairn so it’s common sense that the treatment would be the same. if you’re worried bringing home some nappy rash cream would freak your other half right out, natural remedies are available too. You can try coconut oil, aloe vera gel or just plain old Vagisil. Happy days!
So there you have it, beard burn is a thing of the past. Bon appetite ladies and gentlemen!