Boob Job Diaries: All Your Questions Answered

STOP! Before you begin, have you read part 1 of this boob job series? And what about part 2?

Ok now you can continue… :p

The best way to describe the pain when I came to was pressure. Immense pressure on my chest, like I said before, just like if a heavy person had perched on my chest and was just settled in all cosy. I was wearing the surgical bra thingy and had a black cardigan over the top, with absolutely no idea how I got into them (the drugs are STRONG). I then sat in the recovery area with the other gals who’d had morning boob jobs while this lovely nurse described what to expect over the next few hours/days/weeks etc

For some reason, my blood pressure dropped so I had to stay in a bit longer than other girls but was probably discharged an hour later. My sister had picked up my medicine (antibiotics, pain meds etc) and helped get me into the car before VERY SLOWLY driving me back to her place. I can’t remember much about that first afternoon, I just slept on the couch and here’s what I experienced after that…


My sister hid my pain meds and woke up every 4-hours to deliver them to me. No idea why I couldn’t be trusted. I remember her dog came and sat on me while I was sleeping and because I was half-asleep I went to push him off without thinking and OW, OUCH, HOLY HELL OF PAIN it hurt. Like my chest was ripping apart. The pressure remained consistent and the pain was bearable with the pain meds. It’s funny but when you opt into pain, like with elective surgery, I think we handle it a lot better than pain we don’t anticipate or ‘ask for’. Yes it hurt, but not at one point during recovery did I think ‘fek this was a bad idea’ or regretted my decision because of pain.


My sister went to work so her boyfriend at the time (now husband) took over on dishing out medication every 4-hours and making sure I was drinking water, eating, getting around etc – everything just took me a lot longer than usual as I was using such slow, small movements to do anything. Although my sister had helped me use the bathroom the night prior, I was fine to use it solo, it just took awhile and I’d get sharp stabs of pain by moving too much.

I was finally able to shower (I had dressings on my boobies and wasn’t allowed to shower and remove them for 24 hours post op), so when my sister got home she helped me take off everything so I could shower and see my new boobies!

Well… they looked like torpedos. Legit, like actual torpedo titties just strapped to my chest. I knew they wouldn’t look great so it wasn’t a surprise. They didn’t look that big, I wasn’t a big girl so didn’t have much skin for stretch, so the implants were squashed in my boobie pockets with the skin stretched over, all confused about the new real estate it was expected to cover. I had stitches and bandages over the incision areas and just avoided getting them too wet or soapy.

My sister lived in a small apartment so after showering, she drove me home so I could sleep in my own bed and have my own space. I lived with 3 housemates at the time, all were good friends so I knew I would be fine if I needed anything.



I watched a LOT of Vampire Diaries and it was completely fine. I’d take my drugs every 4-hours and the only time I’d be in bad pain was if I didn’t wake up to take them so the gap was longer but so easy to deal with.

On the Friday night, my gf picked me up and we went to hang at another friends house to watch movies and chill. Now I had thought the whole time that the endone (intense pain killer) wasn’t that strong but was told later that my pupils were the size of orbs and I was dancing for a wall in the corner, so you know, high life.


I had a close friends bday on the Saturday and did go for a few hours but it was pretty miserable tbh. Even laughing hurts and I was so drugged up and spaced out, I kinda just felt sick and tired the whole time. On the Sunday I had brunch with family and almost fainted afterwards in a big store; so suffice to say, I probably pushed myself a bit that weekend.



So being the hero that I am (I actually think I just didn’t want to waste more AL), I went back to work on the Monday. I sat at my desk, with a pillow under my arms so I didn’t have to use any muscles holding them up. I know that sounds ridiculous but you wouldn’t believe the damage done to your chest muscles, they are ripped apart! I was ok for most of the day (I doubt I was that productive) but in the afternoon I started to cry and said I wanted my mum who was overseas at the time. Now I’m sure you can imagine that this was…MORTIFYING, but I luckily worked with an amazing bunch of gals who just cuddled me bless them.


  • You have to sleep upright for 6 weeks. Yes 6 weeks without lying on your back, let alone your side. You basically do this by sleeping either in a) a recliner chair; or b) propping yourself up on a lot of pillows.
  • Get a massage chair. Your back is FUCKED from sleeping upright.
  • You body does weird things. Make sure you do a shit ton of research prior so nothing surprises you or freaks you out. When I bent over one night, water came out of my nipple. Another day I was massaging the skin above my boobs and it sounded like bubble wrap crackling; both perfectly normal, the first was fluid retention, second was swelling.
  • Speaking of swelling, make sure you MASSAGE your boobs as many times as your DR tells you. It’s vital for reducing swelling, preventing stretch marks and getting the boobies more ‘realistic’.
  • You wear your special bra (it’s insanely tight and uncomfortable) for the first 6-weeks, only taking it off to shower. Don’t be that idiot who goes out without it on, that’s how boobs get lopsided.
  • Fake boobs look fake for a LONG time. Mine practically sat under my chin like giant orbs for a good 2-years and for some god-forsaken reason I would wear push-up bras to unnecessarily accentuate them further.
  • Make sure you have a bunch of tops you can button up, you can’t put your arms up or pull things over your head for yonks.


  • EVERYTHING hurts your chest muscles. Getting in and out of a car, driving, doing up your pants, attempting to wash your hair (impossible).
  • Random dudes you haven’t spoken to in AGES will magically appear; sliding back into your DMs with a nonchalant ‘hey what’s up, long time no see’ as if that was a mutual decision not a ghost on their part.


Kelly McCarren. 

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