Don’t get us wrong. Big boobs have their perks – but they also come with a unique set of problems. Guaranteed, all busty girls will relate to these!
You know the pain of running without a proper bra
When you need to make an unexpected dash for the bus, you curse EVERYTHING and wonder if it’s okay to caress your own boobs while there are children around.
When you lie on your back, your boobs fall into your armpits
It’s quite interesting.
You live in fear of them popping out
The side boob is the major culprit! Sometimes *sexy*, sometimes inappropriate.
You have to wear more than one sports bra to work out
Big-busted girls have the pleasure of squeezing their goods into not one – but TWO or THREE – sports bras to exercise. Even if they’re not planning on doing anything too intense. Here’s a case study. Recently, I went to a pilates class and instead of lying on my back 90% of the time, I was treated to a ton of jumping and bouncing around. I only wore one bra. Big mistake!
Some exercises are simply not possible
You’re literally blocked by your boobs and have to say no to supermans, bicycle crunches, push-ups, and anything that requires laying on your tummy.
You can’t lie on your front without squashing your boobs
Speaking of tummy troubles, you need to wiggle around to get comfy on a beach, in bed, and on a massage table. Top tip: An extra pillow works wonders!
You can’t wear low-cut tops without someone commenting about you having the ‘girls out’
A shirt with a vague v-neck can look positively pornographic on you.
You feel like everything looks provocative
Thanks to your cleavage, you look like you’re ready and raring to go – even if you’re wearing ordinary clothes.
Button down shirts never fit well
Either there’s a huge gape between the buttons and your boobs, or the button gives up and pops off. PS. Double-sided tape is your best friend.
Shopping for cossies is a nightmare
There are a few reasons for this. 1) Most bikinis come in a pair, and there’s a slim chance you’ll be the same size in bottoms and tops. 2) I don’t know why, but a lot of brands don’t make cossies larger than a size 12 – which covers your nips but that’s about it. 3) Your cleavage pours out of everything, whether it’s a bikini or a modest one-piece. The solution? Scroll through Devin Brugman’s feed (the girl OWNS her DDDs) and shop Showpo! We make a point of designing swimwear for all body types.
Bumpy roads are not your thing
Along with stairs, rollercoasters and burpees. Bounce, bounce baby.
You’re all-too-familiar with the ‘quadboob’
For those who aren’t, this is what happens when you’re trying on a (bad) bra, and end up with half your tits in the cups and the rest popping out like pillows.
You spend a shit ton of money on bras
Because when you find one that a) fits and b) you like, you buy it in EVERY colour. Honestly, why don’t more brands make sexy bras that are bigger than a C cup?? The market is diversifying a bit, but for a long time there, our options were limited to beige, beige and more beige.
Department stores never have your size in stock
You know that feeling when you walk into a store and get excited about the end-of-season lingerie sale, only to be crushed when your size is ‘out of stock’ and you’re led to the pile of nanna bras stashed in the corner? Yeaaah. Online shopping for the win!
Strapless bras SUCK
They are the most uncomfortable item of clothing ever. They dig into your skin, and they’re needy – you have to pull them up constantly. The fact is, big boobs need support, and strapless bras can’t cut it.
And strapless dresses are risky
Wear one, and you’ll be adjusting all damn day and risking a nip slip. To make your life easier, go for a flare or A-line dress with straps to accentuate your assets in the best way.
You’re used to getting dresses tailored
It’s so annoying when a dress fits perfectly everywhere except your boobs. That leads us to another struggle: always having to size up, especially with zippered dresses.
You can’t wear crop tops or cute bustiers
Hello, side boob/underboob/over boob.
Or anything backless
Tape can help, but it’s like walking a tightrope.
Or anything flowy
Maxi dresses fall over your boobs and make you look several months pregnant, as do tent tops and oversized blouses.
Or anything high-necked
Unless you want to look like Mrs Trunchbull from Matilda, of course.
They get HOT in summer
Try putting on your bra and twisting it around while you’re sweating after a shower. It’s awesome.
You get lower back pain
After all, you’re carrying around two big weights all day.
And strap marks
There is NOTHING better than taking off your bra at the end of the day.
You can’t deal when guys jiggle them repeatedly
This is fun for two seconds, and then the sensitivity kicks in.
You’re used to people asking what size bra you are
Or if your boobs are real. This is spectacularly rude – kind of like asking someone how much they weigh.
You stay away from long necklaces
You’re a little scared of the future
Firstly, pregnancy scares you because how much bigger can they get?? And who knows where they’ll be when you’re 60.
You get lots of unwanted attention
Men stare and babies instinctively reach for your boobs.
Words by Katia Iervasi