10 Crimes You’ve Definitely Committed While Drunk

Committing a crime is serious guys. I would never condone it… that is unless you committed it on a night out, nobody got hurt, and you had a helluva good time in the process. Then I’m applauding it (sorry if any police are reading this. And if they are, I swear it wasn’t me…)

Below, we take a look at the 10 crimes we’re pretty sure most of you are guilty of committing while out on the booze…

CRIME: Drunk and disorderly

Well duh, this one’s a bit obvious. I don’t know about you – but you can pretty much count on me being disorderly if there’s drinking involved. It’s not really that fun if you’re drunk and orderly now, is it…? I didn’t think so.

CRIME: Damaging public property

Look, when I’m sober I really don’t see the fun in throwing myself into hedges, or aiming pebbles at street signs, or writing my name on toilet doors so everyone knows I “waz here”. But it happens. And I’ve forgiven myself for it.

CRIME: Breaking and entering

There’s nothing that screams “climb over that padlocked fence” than a pool or football field at midnight. Especially when on a bar crawl. I mean, it’s pretty much security’s fault. If they hadn’t padlocked the venue – then the glittering blue water or shiny green fields wouldn’t look half as appealing.

CRIME: Peeing in public places

When a girl’s gotta go, a girl’s gotta go. And if that’s at a festival or concert and the line is 1km long – then we understand. Just don’t get caught with your pants around your ankles – that’s just embarrassing.

CRIME: Stealing

Whether it be convincing young innocent men to part with their hard-earned cash for the sake of your thirst or stealing street signs that clearly display your last name on them, there’s a time and a place for a little harmless pilfering. It’s called a good night out.

CRIME: Fraud

From the 17-year-old doing their best to convince the bouncers that their big brother’s friend’s ID is indeed them (despite the ID belonging to a 24-year-old with different colour hair) or the accountant pretending to be a dolphin trainer – fraud is rife on a night out. It’s everywhere. And I for one have been known to fall victim to the dolphin trainer story one too many times as I hit up Greenwood with my sister’s ID. Oops. I mean, when “my friend” hit up Greenwood with “her” sister’s ID. {insert wink face]

CRIME: Jaywalking (running in front of cars)

It’s called getting to the party as quickly as possible, guys. And ain’t no cars or traffic lights slowing us down. And if I felt like having a little sing and jiggle to the cars on my way past – then that’s just some added value to their evening that they didn’t even have to pay for. Bonus.

CRIME: Domestic abuse

Abuse is a strong word – more like domestic arguments. Let’s just call it domestic differing of opinions. While there aren’t any stats on this – I’m going to guess that if you rounded up all the pubs in Australia, you’d be on a pretty good bet that there’d be at least one couple having a heated discussion with each other over in some corner or other. *I wasn’t talking to [insert girl’s name]* *You said we were going home 2 hours ago* *I’m not wasted. I’m happy drunk*

CRIME: Responsible service of alcohol

Your friends come over. They bring allll the wine. I mean, I think it’s responsible of you to make sure no alcohol gets wasted. Right?



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