You know those people who are naturally thin? The ones most likely to be found hanging around the local cafe, eating a burger and chips in their bikini and denim shorts while their abs just tightly sit there – not a wobble or a jelly blubber in sight. Well… I am not one of those people. Let’s just say you’re probably more likely to compare my abs to a Shar Pei than a prime racing greyhound.
But before you judge me. Tell me to go to the gym and eat an apple – can I just tell you that I have tried my damn hardest to look like I’m one of those naturally thin people. Seriously. If there was a competition for diet trying, I’d feel pretty confident of coming home with a win.
Don’t believe me? Let’s just take a look at some of my gold medal (failed) attempts at #bodygoals…
The No Fat Diet
Before every diet plan under the sun started praising the value of a high-fat low carb diet, I was under the belief that the word “fat” was a bad thing. A very bad thing. My thinking was: don’t eat fat, won’t be fat. Makes sense right?! So I literally would keep my diet under 1 gram of fat per day. I didn’t give two cahoots about sugar – I could have as much sugar as I liked, but if there was any fat content involved at all – it would be a “see ya later” from me.
So what did my diet look like? Basically, a lot of skim milk, no fat yoghurt, lollies, vegetables, tuna in spring water, fruit, and egg whites. And that was about it. Literally, my breakfast was skim milk with no fat yoghurt. How delicious! Hmmmm. Surprisingly enough, I was super skinny on this diet – but surprisingly enough, it wasn’t sustainable (although I did manage to last on this one for a good three years).
While I’m able to look at skim milk and egg whites again now – there was a time in my life post-diet where just the thought of these things could make me throw up in my mouth just a little bit. No thanks.
The Dukan Diet
Okay, so anyone familiar with the Dukan Diet knows it’s pretty damn restrictive. Basically, the first part of this diet sees you eating just pure protein for 5 days straight, then after that – interchanging it with a pure protein day and a protein/veggie day. It’s a pretty hard diet for anyone tbh, but now consider this – I’m a pescetarian. Which means when you’re only allowed to eat protein and you don’t eat meat – that is a whole lotta fish you’re consuming. This diet I managed to do for about a year, so pretty much I bought the supermarket out of tins of tuna, cartons of eggs and Chobani. Beautiful, amazing Chobani. My only saving grace to a diet that quite frankly sucked. NEVER. EVER. AGAIN.
The 5-2 Diet
I have a pretty good track record of sticking to diets if I make the decision to give them a go. But basically,y my diets are never restrictive of the amount of food, just restrictive of what the specific food is. Which is how the 5-2 diet differed. For the first time, I was having to not just limit my options, but limit my intake for TWO WHOLE days per week. AND IT SUCKED. SUCKED BALLS. This diet I lasted only two weeks – which in reality is only four days of restricting myself. But if you want to see this gal turn cranky heinous crazy hangry bitch VERY FAST – then I know a pretty good way to do it…
Who knows if it works, I couldn’t stick around long enough to see.