The breakup battlefield is a place that has seen a heap of casualties, am I right? Whether you’re the heartbreaker or heartbreak-ee, breakups are about as good as eating a shit sandwich in a sinking ship while listening to Nickelback on repeat. It ain’t fun. In the day and age of social media where even our grandmas are partial to the puppy dog snapchat filter, looking at your ex’s latest insta post can be about as painful as taking a bullet from an assault rifle. So, is social media the best weapon in post-breakup warfare?
When Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick broke up, the whole world mourned (or at least, those of us who are #skourtforever).
Scott was pretty chilled on the socials post-breakup with limited activity, and most of it paid (Vegas nightclub appearances and the like). But as soon as Kourtney started posting pics with her new beau, Scott’s activity spiked. This made me wonder two things:
- Am I far too invested in their relationship and do I need to reevaluate my own life get a life? Possibly.
- Has social media changed the breakup game? Definitely.
I figured I better ask the experts so I spoke to Couples Therapist Isiah McKimmie who reckons the post-breakup headspace can cause us to be a little more sensitive than usual, meaning “it’s really easy to take our ex’s social media use personally and think that they’re trying to hurt us by showing happy pictures of themselves.” Megan Luscombe, Life and Relationship Coach tells me that in some cases, that’s exactly what they might actually be doing, “People can take to social media like it’s a diary (when it isn’t!) because they find it therapeutic but they’re also using it as a way to get attention.” Both Megan and Isiah agree that the keyboard warriors using their socials as a tool to hurt their ex is a reflection of immaturity and potentially a lack of integrity. Sooooo constant uploads of vids partying with the gals, doing shots off topless waiters yelling, “I AM SAAAAH HAPPY AND LOVE BEING SINGLE AND AM JUST GENERALLY COMPLETELY FINE RIGHT NOW” isn’t the mature option? Noted.
Let’s be honest, posting a pic where you look hot AF feels good and knowing your ex is going to see it makes it feel just that teeny bit better and if you ask me that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Buuuuut, is staying connected on the socials a healthy option after you’ve cut physical and emotional ties with your partner? Isiah thinks it’s circumstantial, and while a lot of the time you want to believe you can stay friends, the healing process might call for a clean break. Megan reckons cutting ties is essential, “keeping your ex on social media only allows you the opportunity to watch them (and they you) and be hurt, jealous, resentful and so much more.” Girls got a point. I can do all of that with irrational scenarios I make up in my head, I don’t need solid evidence adding fuel to the fire ya know?
So what’s the moral of the story y’all? The breakup battlefield is hard enough to navigate without grenades in the form of hot girls liking your ex’s posts being thrown at you every which way or psychological combat in the form of a check-in at one of your old couple haunts. While using social media can be a way of coping Isiah reminds us to be aware that our ex’s are often, “just doing their best to feel okay and move on – just like us.” Aaaawwww.
Then again, Megan tells me, “social media can give you a moment of clarity where you look at things they’re doing, their status updates or what they’re sharing and think ‘I DODGED A BULLET.’”
My final words of wisdom? The Kween herself says it best…
Even if that means…
Words of wisdom by Anna Bradley.