There was a time in my life that I would pawn over every magazine that featured them, scroll the internet looking for Perez Hilton articles they might be mentioned in, and record every real or reality television episode they starred in (and then actually watch it over). I’d talk about them with my friends as though we were BFFs and I knew what the eff was going on in their life. Yep, I was a hardcore fanatic… and it’s a bloody good thing Instagram wasn’t around in those days or my obsession may have gotten out of control.
But now? I couldn’t really give a rat’s a** about any of them. Sure, some of them might be super successful – living it up in their billion dollar mansions with their ridiculously good-looking husbands – but I don’t really pay much attention, tbh. The media’s fascination with them has moved on – and me along with it.
But… that doesn’t mean I’ve completely forgotten the glory days. The days these stars couldn’t walk out the front door without the paps having some kind of story to twist about it (and me loving every minute of it). So who exactly am I talking about? Let’s have a look at this hall of fame of fallen favourites…
The queen. The one who really started off the obsession with “stars” who had little reason for their massive claim to celebrity. When the fame game started for her – Paris wasn’t an actress, a singer, or an international DJ (despite having a go at all these things throughout her “career”), she was an heiress. Famous for doing nothing but being born into the right family. And I LOVED HER. Even to the point that when she cut her hair short while on a trip to Australia – I decided to also cut off my long blonde locks (and then cried about it for weeks). The world was obsessed with her as much as she was obsessed with herself. And while I probably still follow her on Instagram, the fact that I don’t know shows you how much interest she stills hold for me. Nudda.
The boho clothes, the love affair, the hair goals. But mostly just the boho clothes. Sienna was responsible for most of my wardrobe decisions circa 2007 (with a little help from Kate Moss). The cowboy boots. Tick. The fringed tops. Tick. The leather waistcoat. Tick. I just needed a balding married Hollywood star on my arm and I was practically Sienna.
Remember the good old days when a slightly chubby Nicole was freeing the nipple on catwalks and generally causing havoc to the nightclub circuit with her bestie Paris? I want those days back. I’ll even happily take back the matching two-piece velour tracksuits. So much more interesting than seeing her as a successful family woman running a business. Bored. #sadbuttrue #somebodyhadtosayit
Okay, so we get that she had to clean up her act a little bit – but couldn’t we have milked the bad years for a little longer? I mean, surely the Dina & LILO trainwreck trashy times could have played out a little longer? 12 Instagram posts and some weird Insti Stories is simply not enough Lindsay for my liking…
Thin, fat, thin, fat – Mischa’s yo-yo-ing weight was the talk of the town, and everyone had their opinion on it. When she was thin (i.e. OC baby) – I wanted EVERYTHING she wore. I still remember that turquoise Chloe dress with the cutout triangle as though it was yesterday. I wanted it. I wanted to be her. I would cut out images of her in magazines and pop them in my “goals” scrapbook. And then the bloat came. And I wanted none of it. And either did anybody else. Who knew that 10kg would be the difference between Mischa being the next big star to being a bit of a flubby flop. (Soz Mischa).
Lauren Conrad, Heidi Montag, Kristin Cavallari, Audrina Patridge
There was a time I knew more about what was going on in the lives of these four than I did my friends IRL. I crushed on Steven and couldn’t decide if I was team Lauren or team Kristin, felt for Heidi’s mum when her heart broke at her daughter morphing herself into a second-rate Barbie, and shook my head at Audrina going back to Justin Bobby yet again. Yep, I am a proud former devotee of Laguna Beach/The Hills/The City. But somehow along the way, these four too lost their number one fan. I moved on. We all moved on…