It’s Friday friends, we made it! This week it seems like the universe heard my prayers and decided to calm TF down for a hot minute while we recollected ourselves after all the post-Jordyn, post-Oscars, post-everything drama.
Things didn’t halt completely though so in case you’re still deep in R&R mode, here’s everything you need to know about the week that was. You’re welcome.
J-Lo is getting married
The artist formerly known as Jenny from the block (now Jenny with the rock) is getting hitched! Earlier this week her boyfie of two years, Alex Rodriguez popped the question in an intimate setting on the beach. BTW it’s only intimate if you don’t count the photographer, or more likely team of photographers, there to capture the moment.
Just to warn you, I’ve embedded a picture of the ring. I strongly advise you to pop on a pair of shades because that diamond is brighter than my future.
The 20ct emerald cut diamond is reportedly worth a cool US$5 million. It’s the fifth engagement ring to grace J-Lo’s left hand (meanwhile I can’t get my mum to text me back) and probably the most exxy. However, it’s interesting to note that all of her previous engagement rings have either been square or emerald cut. Does her assistant have a portfolio of designs prospective suitors can choose from? I’m curious to know.
Ariana’s latest collab is with…Starbucks?
Continuing with the theme of coupling up, Ariana Grande’s latest fling is with Starbucks. Yup, the Coachella headliner is collabing with the purveyors of fine and very sugary coffee on the newest addition to their menu, The Cloud Macchiato.
The drink, which sounds heavenly tbh, comes in both caramel or cinnamon flavours and has an airy meringue ‘cloud’ on top. “Meringue?” I hear you say, “Isn’t Ariana Grande a vegan?”. Yes she is, but the drink she’s repping is definitely not.
Cue angry vegans:
— gaby (@hcriana) March 6, 2019
And angry baristas:
IF I HAVE ONE MORE /VEGAN/ CUSTOMER COME TO STARBUCKS AND ASK FOR A CLOUD MACCHIATO MADE WITH SOY EXPECTING IT TO BE VEGAN IM GOING TO SCREAM
— 𝕘𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕒𝕟 (@gaysvodka) March 7, 2019
Y’all needs to chill out on poor Gillian, she’s trying her best. Meanwhile, Ari is yet to respond to the whole dilemma so we can’t wait to see what her publicists come up with.
Side note: do you think the Cloud Macchiatos only come in Grande? Like is it compulsory for branding purposes?
What the fuck is Poosh?
As if the Kardashian’s haven’t garnered enough of our attention lately, Kourtney Kardash has come out swinging with Poosh.
Don’t know what Poosh is? You’re not alone, no one does, maybe not even Kourtney. The eldest Kardashian sister posted an Insta about a week ago teasing Poosh but no one noticed because literally WE DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. Kourt tagged the Poosh Instagram account but the only gem it has to offer is this, “this isn’t a monologue, it’s a dialogue”.
Apparently, you can get yourself on the list, no one knows how, but as soon as we do, Kourtney Kardashian can take my money because I have well and truly fallen for this marketing ploy.
A Christmas Prince 3: The Royal Baby is coming to Netflix
This is my personal favourite news of the week. The world’s worst Christmas movie, A Christmas Prince is getting another sequel.
Some personal news… pic.twitter.com/LXjzFc6U9D
— See What's Next (@seewhatsnext) March 11, 2019
Netflix’s first iteration of A Christmas Prince was a spectacular shitshow and the internet loved it. It was so bad, that it was good, like mac n cheese made in the microwave or cheezels. Last year fans were treated to the first sequel, A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding. So basically any development that happens between Meghan and Harry, gets made into a Christmas movie by Netflix.
If you missed the first two, I strongly advise you to watch them and thank me later.
Queen Elizabeth II got Insta
Speaking of Royals (nice segue if I do say so myself), Queen Lizzie has gotten herself an Instagram account. Yes, I mean this Queen Elizabeth:
The monarch was the first royal to do a live television broadcast back in the day and now she’s the first to ever send out a personalised Insta. Naturally, the content wasn’t groundbreaking but I’ll give it a double tap out of respect for Her Majesty.
View this post on Instagram
Today, as I visit the Science Museum I was interested to discover a letter from the Royal Archives, written in 1843 to my great-great-grandfather Prince Albert. Charles Babbage, credited as the world’s first computer pioneer, designed the “Difference Engine”, of which Prince Albert had the opportunity to see a prototype in July 1843. In the letter, Babbage told Queen Victoria and Prince Albert about his invention the “Analytical Engine” upon which the first computer programmes were created by Ada Lovelace, a daughter of Lord Byron. Today, I had the pleasure of learning about children’s computer coding initiatives and it seems fitting to me that I publish this Instagram post, at the Science Museum which has long championed technology, innovation and inspired the next generation of inventors. Elizabeth R. PHOTOS: Supplied by the Royal Archives © Royal Collection Trust / Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II 2019
Instagram and Facebook literally broke
Speaking of Instagram (man, these segues – amaze), this week it broke. Yup along with Facebook and the heart of our Head of Social Media, Jess, Instagram broke. Old mate Mark Zuckerburg is yet to come forward with a reason for the glitch yet but both the platforms were down FOR HOURS causing people to describe their lunch and actually workout at the gym instead of visually documenting it all.
Obviously, the world is NOT OKAY with this, just ask Lindsay Lohan who is taking matters into her own god damn hands.
@instagram please contact me
— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) March 13, 2019
The silver lining is that people on Twitter had an absolute field day and lesser-known platforms like Tik Tok got some love. By love I mean, we used the outage to officially join the platform, so follow @iloveshowpo for some top-notch content.
— ♡ (@kihycns) March 13, 2019
Mercury is in retrograde
Finally, the moody lil’ cow that is Mercury has entered retrograde (which explains the Insta glitch as far as I’m concerned). Don’t go on any dates, don’t cut your hair, don’t make any life-altering decisions for the next 13 days because they will blow up in your face. Consider this your official warning.
would it truly be mercury retrograde if your ex didn’t hit you up?
— 𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚗𝚢 𝚋𝚞𝚗𝚗𝚢 (@venusianhunny) March 9, 2019
Mercury’s retrograde happens up to four times a year because of the planet’s 88-day solar orbit (thanks a lot science). This means Mercury looks like it’s moving backwards in the sky because it’s overtaking us slower-moving Earth dwellers. In a nutshell, backwards up there = chaos down here. Stay safe folks, the next two weeks are going to be wild.
This week was wrapped up by Emma Roffey