If your name starts with a J you’ve probably had a rough week. Justin Bieber had a bad week. Jeffree Star is living a nightmare. It’s just been terrible for you J folk out there. You can try and blame mercury, but retrograde ended this week so at this point it’s just bad luck. Oh and never one to let people have a pity part on their own, Lindsay Lohan joined the tough-outta-luck party with some social media gold.
Everything you need to know is all wrapped up and waiting for you below!
Justin Bieber and Hailey Bieber are having a baby!
In the world’s most transparent April Fools’ prank ever, the Biebers announced that they’re having a baby.
The Biebz Instagrammed an ultrasound shot to announce the pregnancy but was obviously too busy touring the world when he should have been in Sex Ed classes. Sorry Justin, but that’s a fully formed foetus and Hailey was only supposed to be a few months pregnant. For a guy who sings a song with the word ‘baby’ in it FIFTY SIX TIMES, Justin Bieber knows surprisingly little about them.
Bieber tried to save the joke by uploading a very unconvincing photo of Hailey with her obstetrician but again no one was buying it. Tbh, I’ve looked more pregnant after eating a slice of pizza (okay, a whole pizza, whatevs) than Hailey did in the pic.
Not only did Justin’s joke fail to fool anyone it also majorly pissed off some of his followers. All three (three!? Talk about overkill) of JB’s uploads, were flooded with comments saying Bieber’s joke was pretty insensitive to people who spend a lot of time, money and emotional labour trying to get pregnant. The joke was particularly ill-timed because of it’s proximity to the US and UK’s Mother’s Day.
I mean faking a pregnancy is the oldest joke in the book but for someone with Bieber’s platform a tiny bit more thought could have been given. I’m sure we’ll all talk about it in the comments.
Jeffree Star was robbed
We’ve discussed this at length but ICYMI, Jeffree Star was ROBBED. Two weeks ago some down-right hooligans broke into Star’s warehouse and stole $2.5 million worth of product including an entire damn shade of his yet-to-be-released concealer.
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NEW VIDEO IS NOW UP 💔 Recently I had over 2.5 MILLION dollars of @jeffreestarcosmetics makeup products stolen from one of my warehouses.. Including thousands of my new concealer launching later this month🤮 It has now leaked and is being sold on the black market. Link in my bio.
The crooks came through the roof Mission Impossible style before loading a truck with thousands of highlighters, liquid lipsticks and eyeshadow palettes.
Some of the stolen goods have already ended up in Facebook Marketplace and someone has been arrested for trying to resell them. I know stealing is a massive no-no and a major crime, but also who TF actually uses Facebook Marketplace? I genuinely want to know. Zuckerburg, have your people call my people.
If you haven’t watched it yet, Jeffree Star’s YouTube channel has all the tea on what went down and who is involved so far.
Lindsay Lohan was snubbed
In a different kind of robbery, Lindsay Lohan‘s dream role has been snatched out from underneath her by Lea Michelle.
This week, The Hollywood Bowl announced a live production of The Little Mermaid in honour of the film’s 30th anniversary. Apart from making me feel SUPER old, the announcement ruffled feathers with Lohan, who is utterly confused about why Lea was given the gig as Ariel.
Lea, who, FYI, is a professional stage performer, isn’t a red head and we all thought that was Lindsay’s main gripe. But it goes deeper than that. Back in Jan, Lindsay told Variety really wanted Disney to cast her in the live-action version of The Little Mermaid.
“[It’s been] my favourite movie since I was a kid,” she told the mag. “Whenever I put that movie on, it makes me happy…I’m going to harass my agent about it after this.”
Well Lindsay’s agent, you’ve got some major explaining to do. Our girl didn’t even get to audition for Ursula or Flounder!
We FINALLY know what Poosh is
It’s a pretty anti-climactic mention for the Kardashian’s this week because that’s exactly what Kourtney Kardashian’s latest venture is, anti-climactic.
The eldest Kardashian sister announced she would be launching an ambiguous entity named Poosh. For weeks the web has been speculating exactly what Poosh would be. There was a waitlist so people assumed that like her sisters, Kourt was about to launch an uber-popular beauty brand.
Not quite. Poosh is a blog. What you’re reading right now is a blog. Is this Poosh? Apparently not. Poosh isn’t a regular blog, it’s a cool blog. It can “transform the lofty concept of ‘living your best life’ into an achievable reality.” Cool.
First up on the bill? An interview with Kris Jenner about what it takes to be a boss. Well you know what they say, the devil works hard but Kris Jenner works harder so maybe we should take a little more notice of Poosh.
Wrapped, sealed and delivered by Emma Roffey