Funny Shit LIfe

8 Things We’ve Learnt From Our Festival Going Days

23 July 2018

With Splendour just around the corner and then festival season creeping up on us before we know it, we thought now was the perfect time to pull together some of the essential hacks we’ve learnt from being experienced festival goers. We’re talking years of experience here… let’s just say we know what we’re talking about. You’ll thank us later…

  1. You can’t have it all

The greatest thing about festivals is there are so many acts you want to see all in the one place… the worst thing about festivals is there are so many acts you want to see all at the one time. You gotta pick your battles before you go cos drunk slightly dishevelled you is going to be in no state to be making the best decisions of your life so before you go, schedule out what you reallllllyyyyyyy wanna see, and then just stick to that no matter how much you want to keep the crew together. Which brings me to my next point…

  1. Keeping everyone together at a festival is about as tricky as getting out the last drops of your fave shampoo from the bottle

We get that you love your crew and want to do everyone together – but if you’ve ever managed to keep everyone together for the entirety of a festival, then hats off to you. As soon as someone wants to see another act or go to the toilet or get a drink or catch-up with some other friends that are just to the left of stage – they are probably going to be gonskies until tomorrow’s debrief. My advice is to stick to the buddy system. As long as you have one person with you for the entirety of the day, you’ll be sweet.

  1. Look for and stay close to tall, broad-shouldered men

If you can’t bring one from home, then can I suggest looking for a tall broad man to make friends with at the start of all your fave acts. That way when it comes time to jump on shoulders (which we all know you’re going to want to do) – then you’ve got the early pick of the bunch. And if he’s a bit of a keeno, don’t worry – festivals are so packed that you can easily just myth it when you want out of there.

  1. Have a predetermined meeting spot that is actually identifiable by a group of toxicated lasses

We all know phones pretty much become useless when it comes to festivals as reception takes a hit from the billion and one people all trying to use it at the same time in the one area. So… when you first arrive, sort out a good meeting place and a time (when none of your fave acts are going to be playing). And make it highly visible and unmistakable – anyone else spent hours waiting for their friends outside the toilet cubicles at a festival to only discover there’s actually billions of the things scattered throughout? Rookie error.

  1. Going to the toilet sucks

You can not, I repeat – can not, wait to go to the toilet until you’re busting to go. If you wait that long – then by the time you’ve battled the crowds to get out, tracked down the nearest toilets, and then waited in line… it ain’t going to be pretty. Plus, you’re in risk of missing out on seeing someone you really want to see. Instead, go to the toilet when you go out to get a drink or when there’s no-one on that you’re that interested in seeing. Clever peeing.

  1. Wear as little as possible

All those people crammed into the one place and then dancing for hours can get pretty hot and sweaty (and definitely not in a good way). Even if you’ve got a boyfie, festivals are the perfect place to show a little skin and get your kit off (not entirely, but almost…). And if anyone questions your lack of clothing – tell them it’s festival farshunnnnn.

  1. Don’t risk it with the biscuits

Biscuits seem like a good idea, until the police doggie decides he also likes your biscuits and the police drag you away from the music to find out who made you such delicious cookies. So… if you’ve got a sweet tooth and need to treat yourself – maybe do the baking in your own home. And yes, we’re talking about drugs.

  1. Be prepared to lose everything (even your dignity)

Just like socks in the washing machine, things tend to get lost and go missing at festivals. So, unless you’re prepared to lose them, don’t take your favourite handbag (you’re likely to put it down somewhere in the dirt when your fave song comes on), or fave hat (what’s with boys thinking it’s fun to wear your hat – it’s not fun, it’s lame), or even jacket (did we mention before that it gets hot in that mosh pit? Jackets have a life of their own once they’ve been stripped off…)